Sunday, May 8, 2011

All is well..... or is it???

It’s very easy to preach others but when it’s time to practice, its bloody hard. I have always prided myself on walking my walk and talking my talk, at times have had to pay a heavy price, but today on the 11th day of my rather painful physical situation I am very disillusioned by what I preach.
I am a huge proponent of mind over matter and believe a lot in energy healing and have often taken credit for healing others. Mainly my 9 year old daughter who has complete faith in me and even though at times she does not feel any difference tells me she does. She has been extremely troubled by my bronchitis symptoms and gets extremely upset when I cough as if my life force is being drawn out. I must admit it has been a few rather unpleasant days.
So how come all my self-help techniques and energy healing a self-motivational talks are not working on me? Why am I still feeling like death?
After waiting 8 days and hoping and praying that the flu like symptoms would automatically subside, I eventually gave in to family pressure and went and saw a doctor, who immediately put me on a nebulizer and antibiotics and three different kinds of cough mixtures. This was three days ago and I am still feeling like crap. I cannot speak a full sentence without coughing my lungs out and I go into spasms trying to breathe. It sure is not fun.
Why am I sharing all this? Why am I so confused about what I have been studying, practicing and preaching?
Most of my friends look towards me for advice on issues that plague us from time to time. These could be emotional or physical and yours truly always has some sort of idea/solution.
Today however, I am unable to follow my own advice. I am crying and cursing the state I am in and cannot understand how or why I brought this upon myself?
According to Louise Hay’s book- “You can Heal your life” every physical ailment has an emotional bias to it. So let’s see what is bronchitis all about? According to the book, probable cause of Bronchitis is inflamed family environment. Arguments and yelling and sometimes silent disagreements.
Hmm… now that’s a tough one to accept. So in some morbid way, I have brought this upon myself by arguing with my husband on something as innocuous as going to the doctor. I and my ego were so convinced that I could heal myself by positively affirming that I was Ok, that I argued with my husband at the very mention of the word doctor. His sarcasm and frustration of course did not help the situation. The more he would insist on my going to the doctor, the more I would resist.
No wonder I am in such an inflamed situation, both physically and mentally.
My ego got the better of me and I suffered and am still suffering much more than I needed to. If only I had agreed to see the doctor on time and not decided to self-medicate and practice self-healing, I may not be suffering so much.
Have I learnt my lesson? May be may be not? Ego does not give up that easily. It has to make its presence felt and always be right.
This time however it did not serve me. In fact it rarely does. It is what gets us into trouble most of the time, but to say that we have to give up the ego is like saying you have to stop being you. Our whole identity system is based on our ego. If we let go of our ego who are we? What is our personality? We may as well be a wall flower….
I am conflicted and I am confused.
My belief system is being shattered and my ego is preventing me from accepting that I could be wrong. For a change I should have heeded my husband’s advice and seen a doctor sooner, but I didn’t and I am paying the price.
My mind did not overcome matter and maybe not all things can be solved by mind over matter. Maybe we need to be a bit more discerning about what we preach and what we follow.
Now that I am publicly acknowledging that I was wrong and my husband was right, maybe I just might heal.
According to Louise Hay, I need to declare peace and harmony within me and around me and say “ALL Is WELL”.

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