"The body is a treacherous friend. Give it it's due; no more " he said . " pain and pleasure are transitory ; endure all dualities with calmness, while trying at the same time to remove their hold . Imagination is the door through which disease as well as healing enters. Disbelieve in the reality of sickness even when you are ill; an unrecognized visitor will flee ." ( from the book - Autobiography of a yogi )


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Your life reflects your most dominant thought. If you don’t like what you are experiencing , change your thought about it.

Often when something pleasant or unpleasant happens, we tend to share that experience many times over. We talk about it, write about it, think about it and dwell on it for some time. If it’s a pleasant experience, it feels great, but if it is an unpleasant experience we feel sad and tired. For example, when someone is diagnosed with some illness, the person speaks about that illness often. This keeps the illness alive for much longer. The attention tends to remain on the illness instead of the healing. Next time you experience something unpleasant; try and not speak or think about it. As Swami Yogananda said, “ An ignored visitor soon leaves”. But most of us seem incapable of ignoring something or someone that causes us pain. We keep that experience very close to our heart and at every opportunity give it unwanted attention.

Our life is a string of experiences and experiences are nothing but our interactions. Therefore if we want to improve our life we need to change the interaction between the subject (that is usually us) and the object (that could be a person or an event) . Changing the object may not be possible but changing the way we view the object is always possible.


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Ramana Maharshi :

“It is in the mind that birth and death, pleasure and pain, in short the world and ego exist. If the mind is destroyed all these are destroyed too. Note that it should be annihilated, not just made latent. For the mind is dormant in sleep. It does not know anything. Still, on waking up, you are as you were before. There is no end of grief. But if the mind be destroyed the grief will have no background and will disappear along with the mind.

Question : How to destroy the mind?

Ramana Maharshi : Seek the mind. On being sought, it will disappear.

Question : I do not understand.

Ramana Maharshi : The mind is only a bundle of thoughts. The thoughts arise because there is the thinker. The thinker is the ego. The ego, if sought, will vanish automatically. The ego and the mind are the same. The ego is the root-thought from which all other thoughts arise.

Question : How to seek the mind?

Ramana Maharshi : Dive within. You are now aware that the mind rises up from within. So sink within and seek.

from (Be As You Are by David Godman)

1

Dont throw cold water on your child's dreams. Don't drill common sense in them. Don't take away their hopes, certitude and confidence in possibilities . Don't tell them how life is meant to be, because we have no idea how life is meant to be! If you really want to teach them something, teach them how to live fully connected . Teach them how not to be slaves to their senses. Teach them how to control the mind . Teach them how to reason, for life must be dominated by reason and not by impulses. Reason must then give way to faith and finally surrender.

An object may appear to produce happiness for a short while, but the object is only an instrument. An object by itself does not posses the faculty of happiness or sorrow, because the same object has different appeal to different people or different appeal to the same person at different times. The locus of happiness is ourselves. Therefore to find happiness, we need not search far and wide, as any search outside will take us farther away from ourselves - the locus of happiness. ( excerpted from Self Unfoldment by Swami Chinmayananda ) 

The above reminds me of an episode that happened when I was 7. When I was young, pencils gave me immense happiness. I used to collect pencils of all colors and shapes. At any opportunity I would try and increase my pencil collection. I had a suitcase full of pencils and every time I added to my collection I experienced immense joy. One day my suitcase was gone. During one of our house moves, my suitcase full of pencils was lost. I was inconsolable. My most precious possession was gone. I was all of 7 years old and all that mattered to me was gone. I cried for days and no matter how many pencils were given to me, I still wanted my own pencils back. After all I had collected them over 2 years. Today when I think about the incident, I laugh at the thought of, how attached I was to my pencils. 

What happened?

Something that gave me so much happiness when I was young does not even make me blink or smile today. The object is still the same, but my attachment to that object is completely gone. If happiness was in the pencils, I should get the same joy today as I got at 7. Sadly that is not the case. Today my attachment to pencils is almost non-existent, but I have other desires and attachments, that are probably more insidious. I need to now understand that my happiness lays deep within me and not in anything outside of me. Just as I have outgrown my love for pencils, one day I will outgrow all my out worldly desires and attachments. 

Till that happens- I am a work in progress a ‘Spiritual warrior in training ‘.

Myth of the body .

All our troubles stem from the myth that we are the body and when this body perishes, all our hopes, dreams and pains perish too. Such is not the case. 
We are eternal souls who have a body, mind and intellect. Through the body we experience the world of objects, through the mind, we experience the world of emotions and through the intellect, we experience the world of thoughts.

Sadly we have all bought into the myth that we are the body and therefore all our fears and aspirations arise from this body consciousness. It’s a bit like believing that our shadow is our body. If the shadow gets driven over we should feel the pain, but such is not the case. We would laugh at the person who would react in any way to his or her shadow. Because we accept that our shadow is not the real me, we do not feel any pain. Similarly the day we can understand that this body is not the real me, we will be able to go through life the way we are meant to. To experience life as a dance of the soul.

Discovering Yourself: A Teaching on Karma & Your Mindstream

The Great Liberation Through Hearing (The Tibetan Book of the Dead) [Par...

Love vs Attachment

In a recent class we were asked to decipher the difference between love and attachment... In the first instance both are perceived to be the same. From our own experience we know that when we love someone or something we become attached to the person or the thing.

 When our teacher asked us to think about someone we love, most of us being mothers thought of our children. What is the first thought that comes to our mind when we think of our children? It’s concern for their wellbeing. Sadly, that concern turn’s into worry and we believe that our children will be lost without us.

 According to our teacher what we perceive as love is nothing but attachment and attachment and love are complete opposite of each other. If we are attached we cannot love and if we experience and share true love we cannot be attached. This was all extremely confusing to begin with but as we delved further it became clearer that what we think is love is nothing but attachment wrapped in expectation. 

Love in its true sense is all-inclusive, it is beyond the mind and the body. It is selfless, patient and accepting. It is not dependent on the value or relationship because the notion of separateness is non-existent in love. To love another is to love the self and to love the self is to love another. Love in a true sense transcends the bodily separation and therefore love is spiritual. The difference in forms and names leads to a feeling of separation and we forget what love is. Love means freedom and acceptance of as is and what is. Love is a life enabling force and not a life limiting force. Love is all encompassing, unconditional, freeing, accepting and without expectation and without control.


 Attachment on the other hand breeds a sense of possession and makes boundaries. Intense attachment with a person or object leads to fear and pain of loss. Attachment is exclusive instead of inclusive. Attachment leads to dependence and expectation. Attachment is transitory and is dependent on the value we apportion to the object of our attachment. When the perceived value decreases our attachment also decreases. If we truly understood and practiced love, our love would not waver or change. 


Intellectually we can say we understand the difference between love and attachment but realistically the line we draw in our heads is quite fine and often we don’t know how to love without attachment. 

Thinking about my daughter, I know I love her, but I still act out of attachment to her. In my desire to ensure that she is happy and well looked after, I put expectations and boundaries on her. I tell her what to do and I hover around her ensuring she is doing her homework. I believe I am doing all this because I love her and her future depends on how I bring her up. I am fearful when I think of something happening to her. I experience emotional pain when she gets sick or is physically hurt. My so-called love feels suffocating to my daughter. If it were real love she would feel free and not entangled in my web of affection.

 As my understanding of life and spirit is expanding, I can see how my belief structure is limiting my ability to experience and share love. My actions are probably motivated out of fear and how I will be perceived as a parent. If I am to truly love her, I need to accept her just as she is and not try and change her. I need to accept that she is her own person with her own likes and dislikes and these likes and dislikes may not necessarily be the same as mine. I need to see her beyond the physical and see the sameness of spirit. I need to have faith that she is as much a child of God as she is mine. If I am concerned about her well being and safety so is God. I need to understand that although I gave birth to her I do not posses her. She came through me and not to me. I need to be a guide and a mentor and fulfill my motherly duties to the best of my capacity. I need to clearly understand the difference between love and attachment.

 In our day-to-day behavior we equate love with showing concern and being there for the other person, but however much we feel that we are doing things out of love there is an underlying expectation. The moment I say I love you a part of me wants to hear the same words being said back to me. If I do something for another a part of me expects something in return. Even the law of karma states that what goes around comes around so we are not wrong in our expectation of certain outcomes, but we then need to understand that what we claim to be love is not really love but attachment.

 When we were really made to reflect on the real understanding of love, it was shocking for me to realize that till now I had only been attached and not really loved. How many of us can truly say we have loved unconditionally? I for one have not, but as my understanding of life, love and spirit is growing so is my discernment of love and attachment.

 Starting today I will focus on my behavior towards my loved ones and see if that behavior is rooted in love or attachment? Is my behavior limiting the other or is it allowing the other to flourish? Is my behavior based on a need or desire on my part or is it coming from a place of genuine giving? If I were to truly love I would have to detach myself from the outcome and not have any expectation. I am probably not alone in my questions and my misunderstanding of love and most of us confuse one with the other.

 But it’s never too late to let go of attachment to let love in. xxxx

I kidnapped a Monk!

I first met Ajahn Brahm a few years ago when my friend Suree asked me if I could drive a monk to Cathay City for a talk that he was to conduct there. I had no idea who I was supposed to pick up but I agreed.  I had by then started on my quest of understanding the meaning of happiness and I thought it would be a great opportunity for me to spend some time in the company of an enlightened master.

I arrived at the designated place and was waiting in my car when I saw Suree walking towards me with a tall ‘gwaelo’ monk in tow who was beaming from ear to ear. I got out of the car and greeted the smiling monk who I learnt was born in London UK and named Peter Betts, he studied Theoretical Physics at Cambridge University and then travelled to Thailand to become a monk and train with the Venerable Ajahn Chah. He was renamed Ajahn Brahmavamso Mahathera (lovingly known to most as Ajahn Brahm).

Having got a quick briefing on his birth and academic background I proceeded to chew his brain on why he decided to become a monk. He told me with a very straight face that it was because of a broken heart. He said the love of his life walked out on him and he felt he had only two choices, either end his life or become a monk. He decided on the latter. I believed him. Not sure if it is the true story but it sure sounds more interesting than saying that it was his calling.

Ajahm Brahm, Venerable Dhammapala , Bhante, Suree and Daniel

I did my driver duty and was kindly invited by my friend to sit in for the talk. The next 90 minutes were the most amazing 90 minutes I had. Ajahn Brahm in his  inimitable style had the audience in splits. It felt more like a comedy show than a serious Buddhist talk. Ajahn Brahm had such a wonderful way of making serious topics appear so simple that the whole auditorium was completely mesmerized and at times laughing hysterically.  I remember the story he shared that day. He spoke about ‘The two bad bricks’.

In Ajahn’s words;

"After we purchased the land for our monastery in 1983 we were broke. We were in debt. There were no buildings on the land, not even a shed. Those first few weeks we slept not on beds but on old doors we had bought cheaply from the salvage yard; we raised them on bricks at each corner to lift them off the ground. (There were no mattresses, of course — we were forest monks.)

"The abbot had the best door, the flat one. My door was ribbed with a sizeable hole in the center where the doorknob would have been. I joked that now I wouldn't need to get out of bed to go to the toilet! The cold truth was, however, that the wind would come up through that hole. I didn't sleep much those nights.

"We were poor monks who needed buildings. We couldn't afford to employ a builder — the materials were expensive enough. So I had to learn how to build: how to prepare the foundations, lay concrete and bricks, erect the roof, put in the plumbing — the whole lot. I had been a theoretical physicist and a high-school teacher and was not used to working with my hands. After a few years, I became quite skilled at building, even calling my crew the BBC ("Buddhist Building Company").

When I began laying bricks, I'd tap one corner down to make it level and another corner would go up. So I'd tap that corner down then the brick would move out of line. After I'd nudged it back into line, the first corner would be too high again.

"Being a monk, I had patience and as much time as I needed. I made sure every single brick was perfect, no matter how long it took. Eventually, I completed my first brick wall and stood back to admire it. It was only then that I noticed— oh no! — I'd missed two bricks. All the other bricks were nicely in line, but these two were inclined at an angle. They looked terrible. They spoiled the whole wall. They ruined it.

"By then, the cement mortar was too hard for the bricks to be taken out, so I asked the abbot if I could knock the wall down and start over again — or, even better, perhaps blow it up. I'd made a mess of it and I was very embarrassed. The abbot said no, the wall had to stay.

"When I showed our first visitors around our fledgling monastery, I always tried to avoid taking them past my brick wall. I hated anyone seeing it. Then one day, some three or four months after I finished it, I was walking with a visitor and he saw the wall.

" 'That's a nice wall,' he casually remarked.

" 'Sir,' I replied in surprise, 'have you left your glasses in your car? Are you visually impaired? Can't you see those two bad bricks which spoil the whole wall? What he said next changed my whole view of that wall, of myself, and of many other aspects of life. He said, "Yes. I can see those two bad bricks. But I can see the 998 good bricks as well.”

"I was stunned. For the first time in over three months, I could see other bricks in that wall apart from the two mistakes. Above, below, to the left and to the right of the bad bricks were good bricks, perfect bricks.

Moreover, the perfect bricks were many, many more than the two bad bricks. Before, my eyes would focus exclusively on my two mistakes; I was blind to everything else. That was why I couldn't bear looking at that wall, or having others see it. That was why I wanted to destroy it. Now that I could see the good bricks, the wall didn't look so bad after all. It was, as the visitor had said, 'a nice brick wall.”

I too had been struggling with my own two bricks and had failed to see the 998 perfect bricks in my life. That one story left a huge imprint and I became a fan. I read all his books and watched all his YouTube talks. Last year when Suree called me to tell me that Ajahn Brahm was coming back to Hong Kong and if I would be interested in driving him to Cathay City again, I jumped at the opportunity. This time I had hundreds of questions and he answered each one of them with so much patience and clarity that I was in love all over again. I did not miss any of his talks while he was here last year and then one day when I was supposed to drive him and a few other monks back to the temple where they were staying I decided to take a detour. I decided to take the scenic route and before they could figure out what was happening I had very surreptitiously brought them to my place. I wanted Ajahn Brahm and Venerable Dhammapala to come to my house and I was afraid that if I asked them they would say no as Ajahn had a very tight schedule. I decided to kidnap them instead!

So we drove along the harbor and the lights looked beautiful. After we had driven for a about 15 minutes Venerable said to me that nothing looked familiar to him and if I knew where I was going. I said, “ Oh yes I know exactly where we are going. After being in the car for about 25 minutes, Venerable appeared a bit concerned and asked me again if I knew the right way. I then confessed that I was not really sure so I was going home to pick up my husband and then he would drive over to the temple. I don’t think the venerable was very happy with my idea!

Although it was true that I was not really confident of reaching the temple at night from Central (as I had mostly driven there during the day and that too from my house in Clear water bay ) I really wanted Ajahn Brahm to come and bless my house and meet my husband. It was a very naughty thing to do but I just followed my heart.

We arrived at my place around 10.00 at night and sadly they could not stay long as it was already quite late and all the monks were very tired. My plan worked, My husband agreed to drive Ajahn Brahm, Venerable Dhammapala and the three other young monks to the temple and by the time he came back he too was besotted with Ajahn and came with me to his next talk. My helper too was mesmerized and the next morning my daughter who was nine at that time was so upset with me that I did not wake her up to meet the smiling monk. She heard about the beautiful prayer he had done and the special blessing that one of my helpers received that actually turned out to be a curse for me. My helper wanted to go to Canada and this was on her mind. When I asked Ajahn to bless her and do a special prayer for her, her dream came true. Although I wanted her to be happy, I realize now that I really miss her and I wish I had asked for my own prayer to come true and not hers, but then that would not be the Buddhist way!

For weeks after we kept discussing how wonderful it was to have had 5 monks visit my house and I had actually kidnapped them and brought them home.

Ajahn Brahm is back in Hong Kong in Feb 2013 and I cant wait to see him again. Please check the following website for details and if you can, do not miss the opportunity to listen to this amazing story teller/monk. 

http://www.buddhistdoor.com/ajahnbrahm/index_eng.php

But you don’t look the spiritual type!

Last week at a cocktail, a gentleman came up to me and told me that he had heard about my Vipassna experience and he was contemplating on attending the 10 day retreat. I shared with him my experience and we ended up speaking about Vedanta, Buddhism and various other philosophical subjects.

Towards the end of the conversation he said to me, “ but you don’t look the spiritual type.” His comment made me think, what is a spiritual type? Is there a spiritual type? Why do we associate spirituality with a certain physical outlook?
Just because I don’t wear conservative clothes, don’t speak in soft muted tones, don’t do any major rituals or follow any particular religious doctrine, drink wine and have eclectic friends I am not seen as spiritual!

What do we really mean by being spiritual ?

According to Wikipedia – traditionally, spirituality was associated with religion, in-fact if you look for a definition of spirituality, Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as something that in ecclesiastical law belongs to the church or to a cleric, something that has sensitivity or attachment to religious values.

No wonder people associate spirituality with a certain type of person or behavior. For the longest time we were told that the only way to attain salvation was by following strictly the principals of some organized religion with clearly stated do’s and don’ts passed on through the right lineage and teachers. We were considered philistines who had no idea on how to live meaningful lives unless we were guided by some religious authority.
Today we are coming to understand that life becomes meaningful if we stay connected to our spiritual self by associating with qualities of love, compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, contentment, responsibility, harmony, and a concern for others.
Keeping the above definitions in mind, I don’t think there is a spiritual type. We all are spiritual beings. Spirituality is nothing but a connection with spirit. Spirituality is what brings clarity, joy, peace and happiness in our lives. The more connection and clarity we have the more spiritual we are. Clothes, religion, language, diet, vocation or preferences don’t define spirituality. Spirituality is not the domain of a few, it is our very essence. It is rightly said ‘we are spiritual beings having a human experience.’ Why then should we compartmentalize spiritual from non-spiritual?
Isn’t it time for all of us to recognize our inherent spirituality and start living our full potential?
The easiest route towards spirituality is through kindness and compassion towards all beings and that includes our own selves. Often in our endeavor to become kind and compassionate towards others we tend to overlook our own needs and sometimes end up hurt and resentful. There is no spirituality in trying to please others at the cost of ones own peace and happiness and at the same time there can be no joy in making someone else miserable. First and foremost step towards spirituality is acknowledging that we are all connected and our joys and pains are also connected.
Another way of being spiritual is by becoming light. Letting go of all the baggage that we end up accumulating over one or more life times. Being spiritual means, carrying no grudges, no pain, no guilt, no worries, and no resentment. Spirit is not heavy we make it heavy by shrouding it in concepts and refusing to let go of all that holds us back.
Spirituality is not limited to churches, temples, synagogues, mosques or other places of worship. These places of worship may help us reach that place of inner calm and peace where we may find the answers but the answers will not be outside of us. Whether we are religious or not, we are all spiritual.
At some stage or another we all ask the question, who am I and what is my purpose? Spirituality helps to answer these questions.
The answer will be different for different people and will only come when we search within our own selves. What makes my connection with spirit stronger may not be the same as yours. Never try and be someone else. Be the best you, you can be. The moment we try and be someone else we loose our connection with our own spirit and get lost in trying to find ourselves.
So when the gentleman said to me that I don’t look the spiritual type, I understood exactly where he was coming from. In his opinion spirituality is something that needs to be practiced or acquired through intense effort. In my opinion spirituality is something that is light and fun. It is what gives me joy and makes me happy. Of course, it takes work to let go of all the accumulated baggage and start listening to the inner voice, but the work should not become heavy and restricting. For what is the purpose of trying to be spiritual and at the same time getting angry with our own selves for not being able to follow the percepts of spirituality.
Spirituality is the way and as Michelangelo said when he was asked about how he made David, his answer was “ David was already present in the marble, he just chipped off the excess’. Similarly spirituality is present within each one of us. All we need to do is let go of the dross that surrounds it.
So go ahead, start having fun in life, have joy and bring joy. Let go of all that keeps you tied down and spread your wings and fly for we all were meant to rise and shine.

RIP

RIP- rest in peace but can anyone rest in peace ????? . Been reading many opinions on face book about the state of women in india . All instigated by the gang rape of the young 23 year old who succumbed to her physical and mental torture this morning . I am hurt and saddened but I feel her soul is now free from the agony that her body was experiencing . May God give strength to her family to copewith the physical loss .
She lives in the hearts of many and I hope her death does not go in vain . She has been instrumental in waking up a nation that has always turned a blind eye towards the state of humans and women in particular .
Life for a young girl in india is wrought with fear and insecurity . I remember being physically molested right outside my house by one of the boys from the same neighborhood . I was barely 12 and the boy was probably 15 . I screamed and he ran away but since then I was petrified of even going to the near by supermarket. I also remember being pinched in a public bus when I was 16 and then witnessing a mans private part when a few of us were standing at a bus stop waiting for the university bus . Sadly at that time we were too embarrassed and instead of us doing something about it we all turned and looked away . It's sad that the molested feel ashamed and the molester walks away feeling proud .
I think the nation is now waking up from the deep slumber of letting things happen and just turning away .
I have not watched any news channels or participated in any debates on the shaming of the indian government in particular and the society in general and Infact was trying to keep myself away from knowing anymore . I just prayed in silence and prayed for the young girls soul and her family's strength to cope but somehow could not keep myself from reading all the outpouring of grief , anger, vendetta and helplessness . I am not alone in feeling despondent and helpless and am not really sure how I can show my solidarity . I am not a part of the thousands who are protesting and neither am I in a position to change the laws , all I can do as an individual is to pray for a change in human psychology . Pray that mankind is uplifted from the darkness that surrounds us . The killing of young children in America , the rape of a young woman in india ! Where did we as humans go so wrong ? What happened to us ? Why are we hell bent on destroying ourselves . The world did not end on 21 st December but it seems that humanity is heading towards its own destruction . Maybe the end if the world was not a physical end but and end of humanity . These incidents bring an outpouring of grief and for a few days we are in a state of shock and then life goes back to being what it was . We debate, we discuss , we write , we read and then we move on . What can we do and what should we do ?
Each and every person needs to wake up and see how his or her action is impacting mankind . Are we moving towards the light or towards darkness ? The change needs to begin at the thought level and that needs to translate into action . There is absolutely no point in blaming another , the only solution to any change is bringing about a change in the self . When the self changes the world changes . Lets all look within our own selves and see what demons are hiding there . This is our wake up call to destroy all that rapes our minds and bodies . Finger pointing never helped . Only self realization helps ..

Photoshop your Life

Last week a friend visited Hong Kong and like any tourist he had his camera ready to click.  He took hundreds of photographs, I had not seen Hong Kong like that before. Living in a place makes one immune to the intricacies that weave such a wonderful tapestry. His camera seemed to tell a very beautiful story.

Amongst those beautiful pictures there were many pictures that were not that beautiful, some were over exposed, some were underexposed, some were hazy, some had red eyes and some were completely out of focus. As I was going through the album I started saving the pictures that I liked and ignoring the ones that I did not want to see. Sadly I could not delete the ones that I did not like because it was not my album, I just had access to it.

Half way through the album I realized that I was being too self critical, I did not like any pictures that featured me and I was being extremely judgmental. I wanted to delete those that had me looking cross eyed or where I was showing my teeth like jaws, but sadly I could not delete anything. The best I could do was just ignore them and focus on the ones that were nice.

Isn’t life similar to a picture album? Not all pictures are beautiful but we have a choice of keeping the beautiful ones and ignoring the not so beautiful or as some of my friends would say ‘ see the beauty even in the apparent ugliness’.

I went through the whole album again and to my surprise actually started liking what I had initially disliked.  I had detached myself from me and saw the pictures just as they were and not as a reflection of me the body.

Even though I saw the pictures just as they were I still did not save the ones that I did not like on my computer. I only saved the ones I liked.

We can edit our lives the same way. Our lives are full of beautiful and not so beautiful pictures. Just as we keep only the pretty pictures in a photo album, why not keep only the pretty memories in our life album. Why should anyone revisit the dark moments over and over again? Acknowledge the dark moments for what they are and choose to skim over them just as you would the bad or out of focus pictures.

I remember attending a friend’s wedding a few years ago and when I saw the wedding album I was blown over by the beauty in that album, but I clearly remember that all was not so beautiful at the wedding. Many things had gone wrong, and there was a lot of anger, frustration and unmet expectations; but nothing even close to that shows in the album. The photographer chose the best pictures and every time any one sees that album all we see are beautiful smiling faces and not the angry or sad faces that too were a part of the three-day event.

Become an editor of your own life. Edit or photoshop the events that you don’t like. Just as you would not keep the bad pictures why would you hang on to unpleasant memories?

Memories and albums are made up pictures that we choose to keep. Ideally we should not hold on to anything whether good or bad for everything is transient. Nothing stays forever so even getting attached to the good is a waste of the present moment. But if we do need to revisit the past, it better be the edited colorful version and not the dark out of focus version.

Just as the bad pictures don’t automatically get deleted, the bad memories will not automatically disappear. We need to consciously focus on the good and ignore the bad. The bad pictures may not necessarily be taken by you, but you feature in those. Similarly the cause of your bad memories may lie outside of you but the ability to choose the memories of your life lies with you.

Choose the good ones …..

Luv/luck/happiness  

Slander and Gossip.

A friend asked me this question a few days ago and I could not answer her right away.

The question was : What should one do if you find out that someone is slandering your name?

I thought about it and put myself in her shoes. What would I do if I heard my name being maligned or misrepresented?

In the past I would have confronted that person and asked for an explanation or I would have gotten extremely upset, cried and tried to offer my own view point. Today I would do no such thing.

Why?

Because I understand that by focusing on something that does not feel good I am fanning that very fire which needs to simmer down. Confrontation or reaction will fan that fire more. But suppressing that emotion will also add fuel to that fire.

So what am I to do?

I need to step away from the situation and try and see the whole picture.  Sometimes a good photograph appears only when taken from a distance.  I need to understand that everyone wants to feel good. Sometimes for a person to feel good about herself or himself, she/he makes the other person look bad.

Our world is full of contrasts, good-bad, up-down, pretty-ugly, black-white and the various polarities are always present. In order for someone to feel good they may need to make someone feel bad. This is extremely flawed way of being but it is one of the ways a person can feel good herself/himself.

If I have clear understanding of who I really am, another person’s opinion will not affect me.  If someone was to say that I am a male, or that I am a one eyed monster, or a three legged alien I doubt I would react for I know for a fact I am not of the male species, I could be an alien but I don’t have three legs so that is ruled out, my husband thinks I am a monster but that is his opinion J

Because I am sure about who or what I am other peoples opinion about me will not affect me, but if I doubt my own integrity or lack faith in myself, another person’s opinion will matter to me.

The problem arises when we feel betrayed by our own inner selves. We feel bad when we feel that we were wrong in our judgment of another. We feel let down not so much by another but by our own inner being.

By allowing another person’s opinion of us to matter so much we are giving away our own power and it is this feeling of helplessness that bothers us more than the other persons opinion.

So what should be the solution?

Quantum physics is the branch of physics that tells us that our universe is created by our conscious thoughts.  If our thoughts are dominated by thoughts of sadness, anger, confrontation, revenge that is exactly what will keep showing up in our lives.  In order for us to move away from these toxic thoughts we need to shift our focus mindfully towards uplifting thoughts.

Instead of focusing on that one or two or three people who are bad mouthing you start focusing on the people who love you, who are there for you and will go the extra mile for you. If for any reason you feel alone always remember that you really are never alone, you have your inner being with you and that inner being is always in a state of bliss.

Another thing we need to keep in mind is that any negative emotion is an indication of inner misalignment and not necessarily a reflection of what is being said. Think of a time when you were feeling great about yourself, at that time even if someone said something horrible it did not leave a lasting impression, but if at anytime you were feeling horrible or low about yourself even the slightest nag was enough to get you really upset. So was it the other person’s words or your own inner state that determined your reaction?

99.9 percent of the time it is not the situation that upsets us but our interpretation of the situation based on our inner state of being. So next time you hear someone bad mouthing you, look within your own self and see where your  self esteem level is, if you are feeling confident and happy the situation will not disturb you as much as it would if you were feeling low and unfulfilled.

The power to feel is always with us. By allowing another persons opinion of us to affect us we are giving away our power and no wonder we feel miserable.

Next time you hear someone bad mouthing you, just remember that they have no other way of feeling good about themselves so they have to indulge in slander and gossip just to feel good.

End of the day, all anyone wants is to feel good. So allow them to have their moment of joy and you rejoice in the fact that you are important enough for them to spend time talking about you. J

Mark Twain said  “ the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about!”

Luv/Luck/Happiness

Who Am I?

Who Am I? I am not the first person to ask this question and I can bet my little finger I won’t be the last!

 I never really stopped to contemplate the validity of my existence. I never doubted that I was a human being with XX chromosome. I know my name, I knew my parents, I know I am married, I have a daughter I know how I look and am sure that I would recognize myself if I were to see my reflection in a mirror. At least till yesterday I knew who I was. Today I am not so sure.

 In our Vedanta Class we were asked to contemplate on the question “Who am I?” According to Vedanta teaching, I am not the body; I am not the mind; I am not the intellect; I am not my thoughts; I am not my memories and I am not my breath. If I am none of the above then who am I?

 This was not an easy exercise. My entire belief system was being questioned. If I was not my body, my thoughts, my mind, my intellect then who or what was I? It all sounds very easy when we are having a discussion with our teacher and she steers us towards the understanding that the real ‘I’ is unchangeable, imperishable, all pervasive and a part of Brahman or God Consciousness. Having been a student of Vedanta for a few years now, I can intellectually understand that the I that I have been talking about is not the imperishable ‘I’ that she has been talking to us about.

 My understanding of I has been limited to my Body, Mind and Intellect. I relate to the world through my senses and my faculties of discrimination which are predominantly the mind and the intellect. I have also learnt that the mind is not in me, but I am in the mind. Our bodies change, our minds change, our thoughts change, our relationships change. Everything around us changes. The only thing that is changeless is the ‘I’ that observes the change. This ‘I’ cannot be created and cannot be destroyed. It is beyond birth and death and therefore eternal. ‘I’ am eternal.

 As this knowledge is becoming clearer I am coming to more and more realizations. I am becoming aware that somewhere along our evolution we forgot that the ‘I’ is eternal, changeless, formless consciousness. In our mis apprehension we started identifying with the mind, body and the intellect. We started to put boundaries around ourselves and around others and started becoming smaller than who we really are. The truth of our real selves got veiled by mass hysteria. The body became our point of reference and we cut ourselves from others. We built walls of separation; both physical and emotional. We started seeking happiness outside of our selves. We gave away our own power and are now constantly in search of fulfillment. The reason our lives feel so unfulfilled and limited is because of separation. Separation from the real ‘I’ which is universal consciousness. The only way to feel fulfilled and connected is to first understand that we are all connected. Another persons joy and happiness has an impact on our own joy and happiness and similarly another person’s sadness and anguish will impact our own state of mind.

 There is no other way.

 We have forgotten this and this is not our fault. The present consciousness is such that each individual feels unique and separate and wants to leave behind a mark of himself or herself. We feel small and mortal because we have not understood that we are immortal. The body is mortal but the real ‘I’ is not. The body may perish but the real me will not perish. I heard one teacher explain to the student the above analogy by using the example of electricity. He compared consciousness to electricity and the individual humans to the various electrical appliances. Just as electricity makes the appliance run, consciousness makes our mortal bodies function. When an appliance breaks down, the electricity is still running, its just not running through that particular appliance. Similarly when the body dies, consciousness is still around and manifests itself through a different body. We are all a part of the same consciousness and so should not feel small, separated or limited.

 I am making some progress on this journey but the physical I insists on being the master. I still struggle to go beyond the mind and the body. The body reminds me when it is hungry, thirsty, sleepy and so on. The mind also reminds me of its existence by going from thought to thought without resting. But amongst all the chaos and confusion there is this reservoir of peace and fulfillment which lies deep within my inner being. Just as a pearl lies at the bottom of the sea and the foam floats on top, the real jewel of joy, happiness and bliss lies deep within ourselves and the mundane appears on the surface. One cannot deny the physical I but we need to recognize the real ‘I’ and practice discernment every time we are confronted with the question “Who am I”

 I now also understand what is meant by the very commonly used phrase “ Become the observer of your thoughts and action”. I had heard this phrase often but never really understood what it meant. How could I the doer become the observer? I the doer could not become the observer because I never understood who or what ‘I’ was. I am not the doer. My mind, body and intellect are the doers and the thoughts and actions of the mind and the body arise out of my subconscious and latent desires. The real ‘I’ is not affected by the actions of the physical I and can therefore be the observer. The observer is just the observer and not a judge, so when I watch my thoughts all I need to do is watch them with a sense of detachment and non-judgment.

 Next time I see my reflection in the mirror, I will try and see the unchanging, eternal me and not feel so unhappy when I see the extra pounds and a few grey hair. But till I reach that state of nirvana and unlimited bliss I will have to contend with what meets the eye and ensure that my mind, body and intellect are being prepared to meet the real ‘I’.

 Love, luck, happiness

Who Wants To Know What? - Ramesh Balsekar -- Courtesy of advaita.org

THE SACRED VOWELS ( PINEAL GLAND )

Betrayal, Anger, Revenge, Forgiveness

This last week has been quite revelatory and insightful for me. I heard from three different people their stories of betrayal, anger and an all consuming desire for revenge.

 One of my friends had been let down by a friend and was extremely hurt and shocked , another was suppressing very deep anger and the third was plotting ways to take revenge for an act committed almost 25 years ago. Each one of them had their version of the story and was reacting in a way that was expected and they felt that their anger, frustration and a desire to take revenge was justified. As I was listening to these very personal stories, I was quite moved and saddened by what they had to endure.

I realized that most of us choose to carry this sack of anger, resentment, frustration, guilt and jealousy.
Although this sack really weighs us down we still choose to carry it with us all the time where ever we go. Any opportunity we get, we open it and share what we have inside.

 The anger and desire for revenge feels justified but what I have learnt from my spiritual teachers is that nothing that is happening to us is because of another person. All that we face in life, whether painful or pleasurable is all because of our own karmic seeds. The reason we don’t see it as such is because the moment we take form in a new body we forget our previous life, but the soul remembers all that is owed to it and what it needs to give. So when a person shows up in our life who gives us too much pain we invariably end up angry, frustrated and desire to take revenge. We question back and forth and wonder how and why did a person do this to us. Sadly we have forgotten our karmic debt towards that person and cannot fathom why a particular episode should occur.

I have now come to understand that there is no one who is doing anything to us. We ourselves have created the events in our life. The analogy used by one of the teachers was, lets say we borrowed money from a friend. On the day we borrowed the money the friend was wearing a red outfit. We see the friend a few days later and this time the friend asks us for the money back but now she is wearing a white outfit and has her hair done differently. Do we deny her the money just because she is wearing different clothes and looking different? We could try but the consequences are not going to be pleasant. Similarly our life is one big give and take. All that is happening in our life is due to some kind of karmic credit or debit. The sooner we realize the better. Instead of blaming another and seeking ways to take revenge why not just focus on healing the pain instead of causing the pain.

The cycle needs to break. We get all these opportunities to pay our karmic debts but instead we add more to the debt.

 I know some people do not believe in reincarnation or the continuity of soul, but I do and the only explanation that seems plausible to me is the understanding of the law of karma. How else can we understand how and why things happen to us? God is not responsible and God cannot be blamed or given credit for all that happens. Instead of asking why me, the question should be; how did I attract this particular event in my life and what can I do to ensure a different outcome if what I am experiencing is not pleasant.

 I heard a very heart -breaking story from a young woman yesterday who spoke about the ill treatment vetted out to her parents from some relatives. She saw her parents suffer and was so angry that she vowed to make the people responsible for the suffering pay. She said to me that she did not mind burning in hell but she wanted the perpetrators to suffer and feel the pain that they had caused. The pain in her voice and in her eyes was palpable. Her anger was justified, but my question to her was, what would it achieve? She will probably end up with ulcers as she is unable to digest this pain. She has young children who will pick up on the pain that the mother is going through.

Even though we think we are keeping the pain hidden from our children. This is seldom the case. Children know and they care. And sadly our children end up bearing the burden of our doing. Karma always comes back. If we are responsible for some one’s suffering we can be one hundred percent sure that we will create a cause for our own suffering. Similarly if we have given joy to someone, we can rest assured that we will partake in joy.


 However much be the temptation to take revenge and do tit for tat, take a step back and see how and why you attracted this particular event in your life and instead of reacting think how you can cut the tree before it bears any further bitter fruits. My three friends and I had a long and interesting discussion on this subject and we did an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) exercise on forgiveness and acceptance and all felt relieved and not so vindictive and angry any more. The key to any kind of pain is to focus on the healing and not on causing more pain. Next time you feel angry and feel that another’s behavior is causing you pain, think that you are paying of a karmic debt.

Clear all your karmic debts as soon as you can because they come back exponentially in other life times.

 Love, luck and happiness Shveitta Sethi Sharma