Last night I learnt a new game from my 6 year old daughter and her friends. It is called ‘Stuck in the Mud.
There is a Mr. or Ms Mud who is supposed to say the word mud and as soon as he or she says mud, the other children have to run and scatter. Mr. or Ms Mud has to try and catch the children and tag them. The one who gets tagged stays stuck in the mud till one of the other children crawls under the legs or arms of the stuck child to free him or her. Once freed, he or she can run and try and save others. You play till everyone is caught and then change the (“it” in kids parlance i.e. MUD).
It was a bit complicated for me, as my brain is a bit slower than 6-9 year olds!!! Somehow, I did manage to play with them although I got shouted at a few times.
But I learnt something. When we get stuck in the mud…we need the help of another to get unstuck. If I don’t ask for help, I may be stuck for a very long time. I have to attract attention and ask for help and be ready to run when help arrives.
Viola I found the secret to my survival.
It reminded me of the time when I was stuck in my emotional mud and some lovely friends came forward to help. I did have my moments when I rejected the advice and chose to stay stuck, but eventually better sense prevailed and I decided to get unstuck. It wasn’t that easy to let go of the emotional mud that I had gotten so used to, but when I did it felt great.
As young children we are comfortable and eager to ask for help, but as we grow older our ego prevents us from showing our vulnerability and we choose to keep a facade of normalcy even in times of distress.
Seneca a Stoic Roman philosopher says that nature has given us mirrors so that we may know ourselves (ut homo ipse se nosset). Our friends are our mirrors. Ultimately, however, coming to know oneself is a matter of reflective self-examination and philosophical study. But during times of distress our cognitive capabilities are put to test. We may not be able to see the big picture and choose to stay stuck. A bit like the “pig in shit”. This is the time when we need to ask for help. It does not make us vulnerable, it makes us strong. We might even be doing a favor when we ask for help.
Humans are a social bunch and the fulfillment derived out of meaningful relationships and work is what motivates us .
Seneca devotes an entire treatise to the question of how one should benefit others, and how one should receive benefits (On Favors; lat. De beneficiis). He analyses reciprocal relationships of giving and receiving favors, which characterize social practices in ancient societies.
The fact that societies thrived and continue to do so today is because the intention to benefit is closely followed by an intention to repay the favor.
So asking for help is in a way doing another a favor by motivating him or her to be of value. And value and meaning is what we look for in life.
In the process of growing up, we humans acquire rationality, ego, and self reliance. Asking for help is construed as weakness and therefore frowned upon.
As I was thinking about this, I realized that women are kinder to themselves; we ask for help, and we don’t mind asking for directions on the road. We talk to our friends and friends of friends when the need arises, but men prefer to find their own path.
Their subconscious forbids them from asking for directions!!!!! Ooh that would be just so unmanly!!!
But if we really think about it, ours is a symbiotic existence. The circle of life ensures the continuation of law of reciprocity. There are no free lunches. If someone does something for you, rest assured you will have the opportunity to do something for them.
So get asking for help and do every one a favor. Staying stuck in the mud just means the game has one less player and the game is not fun anymore.
To quote Seneca again “It’s not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.
”
So the next time you feel stuck …. Shout, scream, do the drum roll…do whatever it takes to attract attention and get free.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Loneliness
Samuel Langhorn Clemens, aka Mark Twain said that “the worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself” and yet he suffered from massive insecurities of loneliness. As a premature child who was not supposed to live, he carried a huge burden within his heart. Forever trying to seek love of his parents, he did not really find in himself the love that he sought.
“The love of oneself is the start of a lifelong romance” said Oscar Wilde and yet he too looked for love in the arms of young men!!
Both …masters of prose and poetry offered the world a cure for loneliness and yet searched for fulfillment.
What really is loneliness, if not just a state of mind?
One can be extremely lonely in a crowd or be completely surrounded by thoughts in solitude. All of us have experienced both. Which is better? Being a line looking for an end or becoming a circle and finding the end?
As I sat to write about loneliness at the behest of my friend, I wondered what view I should take. The sadistic, masochist view where I delve into the pain of loneliness or the optimistic view where I look at loneliness as an opportunity to find my inner self?
Being a believer of positivity and happiness, I guess the answer was easy.
Our life is a self created matrix. The only question is which pill are we going to choose. The blue pill or the red pill? Is ignorance bliss or is the truth worth knowing…..no matter what! “Truth shall set you free” says the bible. So let’s search for truth.
Philosophically; the existentialist school of thought views loneliness as the essence of being human. Each human being comes into the world alone, travels through life as a separate person, and ultimately dies alone.
However, other existentialist thinkers argue the opposite. Human beings are be said to actively "engage" each other and feel the futility of existence if they are unable to communicate, love and procreate.
The debate continues !!!
So should we look for fulfillment outside of us or within ourselves? Both are acceptable, but I think the latter is easier. For the former we need another individual who will accept us in our entirety and that we know is a tad difficult. Acceptance and agreement lead to company and debate and disagreement lead to loneliness.
The more individualistic we are, higher the chances of being lonely. This may or not be bad though, after all we do think as individuals and do not have a collective brain, so why are we constantly looking for acceptance and agreement? Does it all stem from inherent insecurities in ourselves?
The first step to overcoming loneliness is to accept it as something natural and yet ephemeral . It is a state of mind and our state of mind is our choice and the only thing we have control over. Nothing worse than being a prisoner of your own mind and not even knowing that we are prisoners and therefore not having the urge to escape. Instead of calling it loneliness we can choose to call it solitude.
Solitude is a choice when loneliness is a circumstance. Just by changing the vocabulary, we have changed our thinking. Maybe a positive self image is the key to overcoming loneliness. Instead of running out and looking for company, it may be a better idea to become our own best friend. We could start by indulging in some mental reprogramming via positive self talk and affirmations.
I read somewhere that “ Be the person that walks into the room and the room lights up and not the person that walks out of the room and the room lights up”.
Once we are comfortable in our own company, we will automatically become the life of a party and loneliness will be a term we need to look up in a dictionary.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
“The love of oneself is the start of a lifelong romance” said Oscar Wilde and yet he too looked for love in the arms of young men!!
Both …masters of prose and poetry offered the world a cure for loneliness and yet searched for fulfillment.
What really is loneliness, if not just a state of mind?
One can be extremely lonely in a crowd or be completely surrounded by thoughts in solitude. All of us have experienced both. Which is better? Being a line looking for an end or becoming a circle and finding the end?
As I sat to write about loneliness at the behest of my friend, I wondered what view I should take. The sadistic, masochist view where I delve into the pain of loneliness or the optimistic view where I look at loneliness as an opportunity to find my inner self?
Being a believer of positivity and happiness, I guess the answer was easy.
Our life is a self created matrix. The only question is which pill are we going to choose. The blue pill or the red pill? Is ignorance bliss or is the truth worth knowing…..no matter what! “Truth shall set you free” says the bible. So let’s search for truth.
Philosophically; the existentialist school of thought views loneliness as the essence of being human. Each human being comes into the world alone, travels through life as a separate person, and ultimately dies alone.
However, other existentialist thinkers argue the opposite. Human beings are be said to actively "engage" each other and feel the futility of existence if they are unable to communicate, love and procreate.
The debate continues !!!
So should we look for fulfillment outside of us or within ourselves? Both are acceptable, but I think the latter is easier. For the former we need another individual who will accept us in our entirety and that we know is a tad difficult. Acceptance and agreement lead to company and debate and disagreement lead to loneliness.
The more individualistic we are, higher the chances of being lonely. This may or not be bad though, after all we do think as individuals and do not have a collective brain, so why are we constantly looking for acceptance and agreement? Does it all stem from inherent insecurities in ourselves?
The first step to overcoming loneliness is to accept it as something natural and yet ephemeral . It is a state of mind and our state of mind is our choice and the only thing we have control over. Nothing worse than being a prisoner of your own mind and not even knowing that we are prisoners and therefore not having the urge to escape. Instead of calling it loneliness we can choose to call it solitude.
Solitude is a choice when loneliness is a circumstance. Just by changing the vocabulary, we have changed our thinking. Maybe a positive self image is the key to overcoming loneliness. Instead of running out and looking for company, it may be a better idea to become our own best friend. We could start by indulging in some mental reprogramming via positive self talk and affirmations.
I read somewhere that “ Be the person that walks into the room and the room lights up and not the person that walks out of the room and the room lights up”.
Once we are comfortable in our own company, we will automatically become the life of a party and loneliness will be a term we need to look up in a dictionary.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
Que sera sera!!
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
As a young girl of 11 or 12, I remember looking at my palm for lines of health; wealth and happiness. I would turn my palm and wrist in every possible way to look at the lines. I never knew which denoted what? Would I have health, wealth and happiness? I used to stare at my hand and wonder what my future would be. When I asked my mother, all she said was…concentrate on your studies and make something of yourself. She never told me what I could have or be.
A few years went by; I turned 16 and fell in love…..
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
I saw rainbows day after day and life seemed beautiful and full. Young love was so beautiful but the societal norms were not…..Unfortunately the love didn’t last. By the time I was 17, I think the rainbows disappeared. I went back to staring at my palm and wondering if ever my true love will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Your future will be what you want it to be!
Now I’m a mother and my daughter asks me if she will be pretty, will she be famous and will she find her prince? And what do I say? Of course darling you will. Am I misleading her? Maybe I am; maybe I’m not!
My mother may have told me only what she knew and what she was made to believe. She and her parents had no idea that it could have been possible to have it all. The lines on my hands may have been the only answer to my future.
Today, I know for a fact that (Quantum Physics)- nothing is fixed and there are no limitations. Limitations are only in our observation. Everything is energy and energy is influenced by our thoughts. It is shapeable, formable, and moldable. As Creators, we shape, form and mold the energy of the Universe through our thoughts. We transform the energy of our thoughts into the energy of our reality.
The recent success of the book and movie “Secret” was based on the Law of Attraction. Law of Attraction states that we attract in our lives whatever we focus on. Quantum Physics states that which is observed is the only thing real.
Let’s do an experiment, right now focus on the color red. Now look around you and see if you can find the color red. You probably will find it.... that is because you are looking for it. Your observation makes it real for you. It was probably always there but till you looked for it you did not attract it into your focus. The moment your attention was focused on looking for the color red, it became your reality.
Since nothing is fixed and everything is in a state of potential, everything is possible. As we understand that everything is possible, and as we focus our thoughts on what we want to attract, we can literally call into existence whatever we desire. Your desire for the red color will have brought the red color into focus. If we focus on lack, that will be our reality and if we focus on abundance, that will be our reality. So instead of looking at my palm for the lines of health wealth and happiness, all I had to do was to see myself in perfect health, doing my dream job and earning lots of wealth and being happy with the love of my life. But no one told me about it and I went through a life of uncertainty and struggle where my palm was my companion in my direction to my future.
Now that I know that my thoughts are creating my reality I am in a position to mold my thoughts and create my future.
So when my daughter asks me….mummy will I be rich, will I be pretty? I can say to her…the future is ours to create, so what you create will be, will be.. que sera sera.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
As a young girl of 11 or 12, I remember looking at my palm for lines of health; wealth and happiness. I would turn my palm and wrist in every possible way to look at the lines. I never knew which denoted what? Would I have health, wealth and happiness? I used to stare at my hand and wonder what my future would be. When I asked my mother, all she said was…concentrate on your studies and make something of yourself. She never told me what I could have or be.
A few years went by; I turned 16 and fell in love…..
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
I saw rainbows day after day and life seemed beautiful and full. Young love was so beautiful but the societal norms were not…..Unfortunately the love didn’t last. By the time I was 17, I think the rainbows disappeared. I went back to staring at my palm and wondering if ever my true love will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Your future will be what you want it to be!
Now I’m a mother and my daughter asks me if she will be pretty, will she be famous and will she find her prince? And what do I say? Of course darling you will. Am I misleading her? Maybe I am; maybe I’m not!
My mother may have told me only what she knew and what she was made to believe. She and her parents had no idea that it could have been possible to have it all. The lines on my hands may have been the only answer to my future.
Today, I know for a fact that (Quantum Physics)- nothing is fixed and there are no limitations. Limitations are only in our observation. Everything is energy and energy is influenced by our thoughts. It is shapeable, formable, and moldable. As Creators, we shape, form and mold the energy of the Universe through our thoughts. We transform the energy of our thoughts into the energy of our reality.
The recent success of the book and movie “Secret” was based on the Law of Attraction. Law of Attraction states that we attract in our lives whatever we focus on. Quantum Physics states that which is observed is the only thing real.
Let’s do an experiment, right now focus on the color red. Now look around you and see if you can find the color red. You probably will find it.... that is because you are looking for it. Your observation makes it real for you. It was probably always there but till you looked for it you did not attract it into your focus. The moment your attention was focused on looking for the color red, it became your reality.
Since nothing is fixed and everything is in a state of potential, everything is possible. As we understand that everything is possible, and as we focus our thoughts on what we want to attract, we can literally call into existence whatever we desire. Your desire for the red color will have brought the red color into focus. If we focus on lack, that will be our reality and if we focus on abundance, that will be our reality. So instead of looking at my palm for the lines of health wealth and happiness, all I had to do was to see myself in perfect health, doing my dream job and earning lots of wealth and being happy with the love of my life. But no one told me about it and I went through a life of uncertainty and struggle where my palm was my companion in my direction to my future.
Now that I know that my thoughts are creating my reality I am in a position to mold my thoughts and create my future.
So when my daughter asks me….mummy will I be rich, will I be pretty? I can say to her…the future is ours to create, so what you create will be, will be.. que sera sera.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
Monday, October 13, 2008
Fear.....
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."
---- FDR - First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933
Fear feeds on itself, it grows like Bacteria. Bacteria reproduce every twenty seconds if their living conditions are optimal. They make copies of their DNA and then divide in half through a process called Mitosis.
In optimal conditions fear undergoes mitosis and spreads like an epidemic. Today’s environment is extremely optimal for fear mitosis. Fear can be seen at every turn — in headlines raising questions about another Great Depression, amongst crowds gathered around Bloomberg and CNN. Even young children are talking about the crash of the financial markets. I even heard a 12 year old talking about foreclosure and panic selling.
There is no question that the current environment is somewhat of a worrisome time, but by constantly worrying about it we are only ensuring its longevity. Fear is an immensely powerful force, says Andrew W. Lo, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology .Scientists who have studied the brain function have found that the amygdala, the part of the brain that controls fear, responds faster than the parts of the brain that handle cognitive functions. The moment we come in contact with fear, our brain goes into over drive and starts to prepare the body for flight or fight response. Fear paralysis us from making sensible decisions and eventually creates the circumstances that turn our fear into reality. Wordswort very aptly said that “What are fears but voices airy? Whispering harm where harm is not. And deluding the unwary. Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
Are we not going to rest till the fatal bolt is shot? If we don’t stop the panic, we will only add to the negative vibration of fear and unrest. Fear causes stress and stress as we all know leads to various ailments.
I just got off the phone from a banker friend of mine and she is extremely depressed and worried. She was trying to portray a brave front, but the despondency in her voice was palpable.
Worry and fear will not change the outcome for the better; it will however perpetuate more fear and unease. If you really want the circumstances to change, start focusing on change for the better. As Mike Dooly says “thoughts become things….choose the good ones”. Quantum physics is now proving that our thoughts carry vibrations and those vibrations cause results. Fear vibrates at a lower frequency and thereby attracts other lower frequency vibrations such as anger and hatred and causes dis-ease, pain and accidents.
Love on the other hand and I don’t mean just romantic love…carries higher vibrations and therefore attracts other higher frequency vibrations such as happiness, positivity, and acceptance and gives us the courage to face perceived unfavorable circumstances.
All we need to do is focus on love; it could be love of nature, love for your child, love of a hobby, romantic love, love of a pet…. Anything you can think of. This will then raise your vibrations and start changing the energy fields around you and start to change your circumstances. I know it sounds a bit too simplistic and new age, but staying in fear and perpetuating that fear will surely not help, so may as well try to bring ourselves up by getting out of fear and into love.
I read somewhere that Fear is “false evidence appearing real”. Yes the worlds money markets are crashing, but will our being stressed and fearful change the outcome? Will our fear bring money to us? It may propel us to take our money out of banks and put it under our mattress! But it surely won’t solve the market problems.
At an individual level, all you can do is to relax and focus on the positive and not add to the frenzy. If each person was to do their bit, surely the whole would see the change.
As Mahatma Gandhi said “Be the change that you want to see”.
Right now, focus on what you love and attract more of that into your life. Your dominant thought becomes your reality.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
---- FDR - First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933
Fear feeds on itself, it grows like Bacteria. Bacteria reproduce every twenty seconds if their living conditions are optimal. They make copies of their DNA and then divide in half through a process called Mitosis.
In optimal conditions fear undergoes mitosis and spreads like an epidemic. Today’s environment is extremely optimal for fear mitosis. Fear can be seen at every turn — in headlines raising questions about another Great Depression, amongst crowds gathered around Bloomberg and CNN. Even young children are talking about the crash of the financial markets. I even heard a 12 year old talking about foreclosure and panic selling.
There is no question that the current environment is somewhat of a worrisome time, but by constantly worrying about it we are only ensuring its longevity. Fear is an immensely powerful force, says Andrew W. Lo, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology .Scientists who have studied the brain function have found that the amygdala, the part of the brain that controls fear, responds faster than the parts of the brain that handle cognitive functions. The moment we come in contact with fear, our brain goes into over drive and starts to prepare the body for flight or fight response. Fear paralysis us from making sensible decisions and eventually creates the circumstances that turn our fear into reality. Wordswort very aptly said that “What are fears but voices airy? Whispering harm where harm is not. And deluding the unwary. Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
Are we not going to rest till the fatal bolt is shot? If we don’t stop the panic, we will only add to the negative vibration of fear and unrest. Fear causes stress and stress as we all know leads to various ailments.
I just got off the phone from a banker friend of mine and she is extremely depressed and worried. She was trying to portray a brave front, but the despondency in her voice was palpable.
Worry and fear will not change the outcome for the better; it will however perpetuate more fear and unease. If you really want the circumstances to change, start focusing on change for the better. As Mike Dooly says “thoughts become things….choose the good ones”. Quantum physics is now proving that our thoughts carry vibrations and those vibrations cause results. Fear vibrates at a lower frequency and thereby attracts other lower frequency vibrations such as anger and hatred and causes dis-ease, pain and accidents.
Love on the other hand and I don’t mean just romantic love…carries higher vibrations and therefore attracts other higher frequency vibrations such as happiness, positivity, and acceptance and gives us the courage to face perceived unfavorable circumstances.
All we need to do is focus on love; it could be love of nature, love for your child, love of a hobby, romantic love, love of a pet…. Anything you can think of. This will then raise your vibrations and start changing the energy fields around you and start to change your circumstances. I know it sounds a bit too simplistic and new age, but staying in fear and perpetuating that fear will surely not help, so may as well try to bring ourselves up by getting out of fear and into love.
I read somewhere that Fear is “false evidence appearing real”. Yes the worlds money markets are crashing, but will our being stressed and fearful change the outcome? Will our fear bring money to us? It may propel us to take our money out of banks and put it under our mattress! But it surely won’t solve the market problems.
At an individual level, all you can do is to relax and focus on the positive and not add to the frenzy. If each person was to do their bit, surely the whole would see the change.
As Mahatma Gandhi said “Be the change that you want to see”.
Right now, focus on what you love and attract more of that into your life. Your dominant thought becomes your reality.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Prisoner of your memories
I read a story about how a 175 pound man can keep an 11,000 pound elephant in captivity. Elephants are known for their amazing memory; unfortunately this very asset becomes its curse.
When an elephant is very young, it is tied to a four foot long wooden stake driven into the ground with a thick rope. The baby elephant tries its mightiest to break free from this captivity, but is unable. After unsuccessfully trying many times to escape, the young elephant eventually comes to believe that escape is impossible. This belief becomes deeply embedded in his memory and is carried into adulthood. When the elephant is fully grown, it can easily break free from the four-foot wooden stake, yet it never attempts to do so. This intelligent, powerful creature is held captive, not by any physical restraint, but by his own memory and associated thoughts.
We humans carry a lot of memories and in those memories we may have thoughts of despondency, inadequacy and regret. At some time in our life we may have been let down or even cheated by someone. We may have tried something and failed at it.Our confidence may have been shaken or even destroyed at that time. We choose to carry that burden even today. Somehow, we started to believe that we were not good enough and became prisoners of our own negative thoughts. Even though we may be extremely qualified, we may have all that we could possibly desire; we don’t feel confident or deserving and sabotage our own happiness?
A friend of mine had a painful experience when he was 16. His girlfriend left him for his best friend. Today he is 24, extremely wealthy and good-looking, but unfortunately very unhappy. He cannot trust either his girl friend or his best friend. He carries with him the painful memory of 8 years ago and sabotages his own chances of happiness.
Do you ever wonder what thoughts of yours might be holding you back? Are you a prisoner of your memories from which you could easily break free, only if you tried?
We are not elephants who can’t break away from the tether. We are blessed with a brain that is extremely malleable and allows us the luxury of change in our beliefs and perception.
Your thoughts can be your hell, or they can be your heaven. If you think you can or if you think you can't, you are absolutely right. In order to do anything, become anything, or have anything, first believe that it is possible.
Like the elephant, my friend is imprisoned by his painful memory and chooses to remain captive of his past and continues to allow it to ruin his present and his future.
What you believe to be true will come true, so choose to believe in the best and you will experience the best. Do not stay tied to old and painful memories. Do not remain captive, break free now. Believe in your ability to break free and you will break free.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta Sethi
When an elephant is very young, it is tied to a four foot long wooden stake driven into the ground with a thick rope. The baby elephant tries its mightiest to break free from this captivity, but is unable. After unsuccessfully trying many times to escape, the young elephant eventually comes to believe that escape is impossible. This belief becomes deeply embedded in his memory and is carried into adulthood. When the elephant is fully grown, it can easily break free from the four-foot wooden stake, yet it never attempts to do so. This intelligent, powerful creature is held captive, not by any physical restraint, but by his own memory and associated thoughts.
We humans carry a lot of memories and in those memories we may have thoughts of despondency, inadequacy and regret. At some time in our life we may have been let down or even cheated by someone. We may have tried something and failed at it.Our confidence may have been shaken or even destroyed at that time. We choose to carry that burden even today. Somehow, we started to believe that we were not good enough and became prisoners of our own negative thoughts. Even though we may be extremely qualified, we may have all that we could possibly desire; we don’t feel confident or deserving and sabotage our own happiness?
A friend of mine had a painful experience when he was 16. His girlfriend left him for his best friend. Today he is 24, extremely wealthy and good-looking, but unfortunately very unhappy. He cannot trust either his girl friend or his best friend. He carries with him the painful memory of 8 years ago and sabotages his own chances of happiness.
Do you ever wonder what thoughts of yours might be holding you back? Are you a prisoner of your memories from which you could easily break free, only if you tried?
We are not elephants who can’t break away from the tether. We are blessed with a brain that is extremely malleable and allows us the luxury of change in our beliefs and perception.
Your thoughts can be your hell, or they can be your heaven. If you think you can or if you think you can't, you are absolutely right. In order to do anything, become anything, or have anything, first believe that it is possible.
Like the elephant, my friend is imprisoned by his painful memory and chooses to remain captive of his past and continues to allow it to ruin his present and his future.
What you believe to be true will come true, so choose to believe in the best and you will experience the best. Do not stay tied to old and painful memories. Do not remain captive, break free now. Believe in your ability to break free and you will break free.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta Sethi
Benign Masochism
Why do we indulge in “Benign Masochism”? What kind of twisted pleasure do we get out of exposing our body to immense pain?
I was in Phuket (Thailand) last week and experienced so much pain due to the gastronomic indulgence of spicy food that I wondered why this fascination with pain. Why was I subjecting myself to this eyes and nose watering, every cell burning experience and yet enjoying the sensation?
"Benign Masochism" is a term coined by scientist Paul Rozin. He says that “people like chilli peppers for the same reason that they like dangerous sports such as sky diving, bungee jumping, climb difficult mountains, ride roller coasters and watch scary movies. All of these activities excite the body by making it respond to a dangerous situation while the mind is certain that these circumstances are safe.”
We have a feeling of control within the uncertainty. Uncertainty within control is probably what turns us on. Pushing the limits of our pain and tolerance gives us a unique high and propels us towards the next high.
Chilli tends to lose its hotness as we progress into the “hot” meal, because our taste receptors undergo a process called adaptation. Similarly our brain tends to adapt to all experiences, whether painful or pleasurable and eventually both seem to affect us less and less.
Rozin says that people often eat chilli at a heat level close to the highest they can tolerate, which means that eating chilli is like pushing the limits of pain and tolerance. It is a subconscious desire to experience pain so that the experience of pleasure is heightened.
Often we try that sort of pushing our limits? We go on roller coasters that defy gravity, drive fast cars at break neck speed, choose to stay in abusive relationships, insert needles into our bodies, go for tattoos and indulge in various other forms of “benign masochism”.
Is it really a subconscious human desire to feel pain? Or are we perpetual pleasure seekers?
I doubt that pain and pleasure can really be separated. They both seem pretty much like two sides of a coin, so what is the real cause of pain?
I think it is our inability to control the outcome that is the main source of pain? Only if we could accept that life is not about control but about acceptance; our pain would most definitely be diminished. The aim is not elimination of pain, but just a diminishing of pain as our love of “benign masochism” will most certainly ensure that both remain a part of our innate humanness .
So next time you feel down and despondent or extremely euphoric, just remember that it is not the situation but your view of the situation that leads to your experience.
The key to living is therefore to live as passionately, creatively, and courageously as possible and choosing to see the situation as being within control and accepting the inevitability of the outcome.
Our fascination with pain and pleasure will never disappear, and our life will remain all the more colorful for it.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
I was in Phuket (Thailand) last week and experienced so much pain due to the gastronomic indulgence of spicy food that I wondered why this fascination with pain. Why was I subjecting myself to this eyes and nose watering, every cell burning experience and yet enjoying the sensation?
"Benign Masochism" is a term coined by scientist Paul Rozin. He says that “people like chilli peppers for the same reason that they like dangerous sports such as sky diving, bungee jumping, climb difficult mountains, ride roller coasters and watch scary movies. All of these activities excite the body by making it respond to a dangerous situation while the mind is certain that these circumstances are safe.”
We have a feeling of control within the uncertainty. Uncertainty within control is probably what turns us on. Pushing the limits of our pain and tolerance gives us a unique high and propels us towards the next high.
Chilli tends to lose its hotness as we progress into the “hot” meal, because our taste receptors undergo a process called adaptation. Similarly our brain tends to adapt to all experiences, whether painful or pleasurable and eventually both seem to affect us less and less.
Rozin says that people often eat chilli at a heat level close to the highest they can tolerate, which means that eating chilli is like pushing the limits of pain and tolerance. It is a subconscious desire to experience pain so that the experience of pleasure is heightened.
Often we try that sort of pushing our limits? We go on roller coasters that defy gravity, drive fast cars at break neck speed, choose to stay in abusive relationships, insert needles into our bodies, go for tattoos and indulge in various other forms of “benign masochism”.
Is it really a subconscious human desire to feel pain? Or are we perpetual pleasure seekers?
I doubt that pain and pleasure can really be separated. They both seem pretty much like two sides of a coin, so what is the real cause of pain?
I think it is our inability to control the outcome that is the main source of pain? Only if we could accept that life is not about control but about acceptance; our pain would most definitely be diminished. The aim is not elimination of pain, but just a diminishing of pain as our love of “benign masochism” will most certainly ensure that both remain a part of our innate humanness .
So next time you feel down and despondent or extremely euphoric, just remember that it is not the situation but your view of the situation that leads to your experience.
The key to living is therefore to live as passionately, creatively, and courageously as possible and choosing to see the situation as being within control and accepting the inevitability of the outcome.
Our fascination with pain and pleasure will never disappear, and our life will remain all the more colorful for it.
Luv/luck/happiness
Shveitta
Monday, September 22, 2008
Instant mood elevators
In this day of instant gratification, I get asked if there are any instant mood elevators?
Well there are no real short cuts to long term happiness, but there sure are quick fixes to get you started on the path of happiness.
1. When feeling down, contort the left side of your face. Vigorously contorting the left side of the face will release positive emotions by increasing activity in the right frontal hemisphere.( Imp….do not contract the right side as that may lead to sadness !!!!!)
2. Grab a piece of dark chocolate …..Just one small square is enough!!! Try and go for over 60% cocoa. It releases serotonin in the brain, which produces a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction. Studies show that melting chocolate in one's mouth increases brain activity and heart rate. What are you waiting for? Remember stick to one small square.....
3. Smile!!!!!fake it if you have to. Again it is about cheating your brain into releasing endorphins.
4. Knead dough or clay, knit, paint, or do pottery, wash and rinse your clothes ( no washing machines) gardening, sewing, massaging, ironing…. anything that will make use of your hands. Now I understand why the Pilipino helpers are always smiling!!!!!
5. Go for a swim or go for a hike, (enough trails around) any form of exercise. Kissing is also considered exercise as it burns 26 cal per minute, releases endorphins and prevents facial wrinkles!!!!!
6. Get into the habit of writing a gratitude (thank you) journal. This will encourage your brain to consciously look out for things that you are grateful for and those that make you happy.
7. Light some incense or spray some aromatherapy oils on your pillow or put some in your bath. According to research the amygdala is affected by smell. Differing aromatic rings are contained with essential oils. When we smell these, the odor is transferred into a nerve message. The message is sent to different parts of the brain where the process of stimulating different hormones is undertaken.
8. Play Mozart or any music that you like. I listened to Barbara Streisand when I was really depressed, but I can’t do that anymore. Our taste in music changes with the change in our moods and we can also change our mood by listening to the appropriate music. Music has an amazing ability to lift our spirits, gives us new insights and stimulates our mind.
9. Another interesting exercise that works for me. Massaging the point of the Amygdala. Simple way to locate the amygdala gland is by placing your thumbs in your ears, and then place your middle fingers near the inside corners of your eyes. The amygdala gland is found about 1" into the forehead where your index fingers fall. The frontal lobe of the brain can be located by placing your palm on your forehead. The entire area covered by your palm is where the frontal lobes are located. Massaging this area stimulates a release of endorphins. Try it.
10. Watch a silly comedy. Laugh your head off. It might be difficult when you are already down and depressed, so before sitting down for that comedy,call a friend over, get yourself a piece of dark chocolate….maybe a glass of red wine , spray your surroundings with beautiful smelling oils and get ready to lift your spirits.
So no excuses for not pulling yourself out of the funk.....so get moving and get happy.
Luv/luck/happiness
Well there are no real short cuts to long term happiness, but there sure are quick fixes to get you started on the path of happiness.
1. When feeling down, contort the left side of your face. Vigorously contorting the left side of the face will release positive emotions by increasing activity in the right frontal hemisphere.( Imp….do not contract the right side as that may lead to sadness !!!!!)
2. Grab a piece of dark chocolate …..Just one small square is enough!!! Try and go for over 60% cocoa. It releases serotonin in the brain, which produces a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction. Studies show that melting chocolate in one's mouth increases brain activity and heart rate. What are you waiting for? Remember stick to one small square.....
3. Smile!!!!!fake it if you have to. Again it is about cheating your brain into releasing endorphins.
4. Knead dough or clay, knit, paint, or do pottery, wash and rinse your clothes ( no washing machines) gardening, sewing, massaging, ironing…. anything that will make use of your hands. Now I understand why the Pilipino helpers are always smiling!!!!!
5. Go for a swim or go for a hike, (enough trails around) any form of exercise. Kissing is also considered exercise as it burns 26 cal per minute, releases endorphins and prevents facial wrinkles!!!!!
6. Get into the habit of writing a gratitude (thank you) journal. This will encourage your brain to consciously look out for things that you are grateful for and those that make you happy.
7. Light some incense or spray some aromatherapy oils on your pillow or put some in your bath. According to research the amygdala is affected by smell. Differing aromatic rings are contained with essential oils. When we smell these, the odor is transferred into a nerve message. The message is sent to different parts of the brain where the process of stimulating different hormones is undertaken.
8. Play Mozart or any music that you like. I listened to Barbara Streisand when I was really depressed, but I can’t do that anymore. Our taste in music changes with the change in our moods and we can also change our mood by listening to the appropriate music. Music has an amazing ability to lift our spirits, gives us new insights and stimulates our mind.
9. Another interesting exercise that works for me. Massaging the point of the Amygdala. Simple way to locate the amygdala gland is by placing your thumbs in your ears, and then place your middle fingers near the inside corners of your eyes. The amygdala gland is found about 1" into the forehead where your index fingers fall. The frontal lobe of the brain can be located by placing your palm on your forehead. The entire area covered by your palm is where the frontal lobes are located. Massaging this area stimulates a release of endorphins. Try it.
10. Watch a silly comedy. Laugh your head off. It might be difficult when you are already down and depressed, so before sitting down for that comedy,call a friend over, get yourself a piece of dark chocolate….maybe a glass of red wine , spray your surroundings with beautiful smelling oils and get ready to lift your spirits.
So no excuses for not pulling yourself out of the funk.....so get moving and get happy.
Luv/luck/happiness
Saturday, August 23, 2008
have joy banish pain
I recently met a wonderful person who was suffering from immense physical pain. He had a few toes amputated due to progressive diabetes. He was also suffering from heart trouble and was in pretty bleak spirit. His family was with him, and they too were going through a trying time due to his illness.
I went to meet him at the hospital and found him extremely warm and approachable and at the same time a bit cynical of the purpose of my visit. I had never met him before, he is the father of a friend and I thought it would be nice of me to visit him and try and share some “Happiness” with him.
During the course of the conversation, I found out that he had been carrying a lot of emotional pain. He had unfinished family business and never forgave himself and one of his relatives for having cheated him out of his proper share of land and property. He was carrying a lot of bitterness and anger towards this particular relative. He blamed himself for having let his children down by not having ensured a secure future for them. He felt betrayed and cheated and wanted revenge.
Interestingly, according to Louise Hay- (author, motivational speaker, and healer) Diabetes is emotionally related to –longing for what might have been, a deep sorrow related to need for control leading to bitterness and anger. Heart ailments relate to issues with love and security.
When I heard about his ailments and I heard about his emotional issues I could immediately relate the two. Sure enough, his anger, his bitterness and his need to control and take revenge had to manifest physically and it surely did.
According to Paul Eckmen- researcher of emotions, anger is experienced when we feel someone is interfering with what we want. We experience an innate need to control the situation, we feel like attacking the source of our interference and sometimes we are successful in our attack and at others we are not. When we are not successful with the attack and are unable to achieve the desired result we tend to retain our anger and the mere mention of the object of our anger tends to lead to an increase in heart rate and an increase in the blood flow in our extremities, taking it away from the vital organs. This is due to the fight or flight response. Unmitigated anger over a long period will most definitely lead to physical ailments.
Uncle, was paying a huge price for carrying this anger. He was suffering both emotionally and physically. Only if he could put it aside, he would really start to heal. Often our anger and pain, becomes so much a part of our lives that we forget to live without it. Fortunately anger is a learned emotion; therefore it surely can be unlearned. When holding on to anger starts to threaten one’s own survival, it surely must be let go.
I know from experience the physical effects of guilt and anger. I was extremely angry and at the same time guilty of a certain episode in my life. At that time I used to suffer excruciating headaches and could hardly sleep. I looked older than my age and was constantly tired. I almost believed myself to be a manic depressive and was constantly looking out for signs that made me believe that I was suffering from Bi polar disorder. I just could not put the pain or the guilt aside. Eventually however, I did manage to overcome the emotional issues and before I knew it, I was sleeping like a baby and headaches were history. I took the whole drawer full of sleeping aids and headache pills (which I had collected like candy) and threw it in the bin. Of course it did not happen overnight; it was a slow process of acknowledging and accepting the situation. The giving up of the need to control the outcome by indulging in the right practices-namely yoga, meditation, reading spiritual literature and listening to uplifting music. I did everything I needed to do to get me out of this losing proposition. Wonderful friends who gave the right guidance were a god send. It took almost two years to give up the pills completely, but it happened and I can’t even remember what headaches and insomnia feels like. ( Am not complaining!!!!!!!!)
Is any pain worth holding on to the anger, bitterness and unforgiveness? Very often the object of our anger has moved on and is leading a happy fulfilling life, whereas we choose to suffer and wallow in self pity and self flagellation. Our body suffers and starts to retaliate, our friendships and our families suffer. Our work suffers and we are left with nothing but our anger and our hatred towards the world at large. Nothing seems to please us anymore. We forget joy and we forget happiness. Life becomes a burden and we can’t wait for it all to end.
Again, is it really worth it? We all have a purpose and a destiny and I sincerely doubt if it entails carrying pain, anger and bitterness. I recently watched the movie – Bucket List starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. In one of the scenes Morgan Freeman tells Jack Nicholson that it is an old Egyptian belief that when a person dies and his soul reaches the gates of heaven, the Gods ask two questions that determine if the soul will enter heaven or not. The two questions are “have you had joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to someone’s life?” It is as simple as that.
Have joy and bring joy. An angry, bitter person will never be able to enjoy life and his life will most certainly not bring joy. Happiness and joy are contagious as are pain and misery? What would you rather choose?
I don’t really know much about heaven and hell but why make our life on earth hell when we have the capability right within ourselves to make it into heaven. Why not choose happiness and attain heaven on earth?
Luv/luck/happiness
I went to meet him at the hospital and found him extremely warm and approachable and at the same time a bit cynical of the purpose of my visit. I had never met him before, he is the father of a friend and I thought it would be nice of me to visit him and try and share some “Happiness” with him.
During the course of the conversation, I found out that he had been carrying a lot of emotional pain. He had unfinished family business and never forgave himself and one of his relatives for having cheated him out of his proper share of land and property. He was carrying a lot of bitterness and anger towards this particular relative. He blamed himself for having let his children down by not having ensured a secure future for them. He felt betrayed and cheated and wanted revenge.
Interestingly, according to Louise Hay- (author, motivational speaker, and healer) Diabetes is emotionally related to –longing for what might have been, a deep sorrow related to need for control leading to bitterness and anger. Heart ailments relate to issues with love and security.
When I heard about his ailments and I heard about his emotional issues I could immediately relate the two. Sure enough, his anger, his bitterness and his need to control and take revenge had to manifest physically and it surely did.
According to Paul Eckmen- researcher of emotions, anger is experienced when we feel someone is interfering with what we want. We experience an innate need to control the situation, we feel like attacking the source of our interference and sometimes we are successful in our attack and at others we are not. When we are not successful with the attack and are unable to achieve the desired result we tend to retain our anger and the mere mention of the object of our anger tends to lead to an increase in heart rate and an increase in the blood flow in our extremities, taking it away from the vital organs. This is due to the fight or flight response. Unmitigated anger over a long period will most definitely lead to physical ailments.
Uncle, was paying a huge price for carrying this anger. He was suffering both emotionally and physically. Only if he could put it aside, he would really start to heal. Often our anger and pain, becomes so much a part of our lives that we forget to live without it. Fortunately anger is a learned emotion; therefore it surely can be unlearned. When holding on to anger starts to threaten one’s own survival, it surely must be let go.
I know from experience the physical effects of guilt and anger. I was extremely angry and at the same time guilty of a certain episode in my life. At that time I used to suffer excruciating headaches and could hardly sleep. I looked older than my age and was constantly tired. I almost believed myself to be a manic depressive and was constantly looking out for signs that made me believe that I was suffering from Bi polar disorder. I just could not put the pain or the guilt aside. Eventually however, I did manage to overcome the emotional issues and before I knew it, I was sleeping like a baby and headaches were history. I took the whole drawer full of sleeping aids and headache pills (which I had collected like candy) and threw it in the bin. Of course it did not happen overnight; it was a slow process of acknowledging and accepting the situation. The giving up of the need to control the outcome by indulging in the right practices-namely yoga, meditation, reading spiritual literature and listening to uplifting music. I did everything I needed to do to get me out of this losing proposition. Wonderful friends who gave the right guidance were a god send. It took almost two years to give up the pills completely, but it happened and I can’t even remember what headaches and insomnia feels like. ( Am not complaining!!!!!!!!)
Is any pain worth holding on to the anger, bitterness and unforgiveness? Very often the object of our anger has moved on and is leading a happy fulfilling life, whereas we choose to suffer and wallow in self pity and self flagellation. Our body suffers and starts to retaliate, our friendships and our families suffer. Our work suffers and we are left with nothing but our anger and our hatred towards the world at large. Nothing seems to please us anymore. We forget joy and we forget happiness. Life becomes a burden and we can’t wait for it all to end.
Again, is it really worth it? We all have a purpose and a destiny and I sincerely doubt if it entails carrying pain, anger and bitterness. I recently watched the movie – Bucket List starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. In one of the scenes Morgan Freeman tells Jack Nicholson that it is an old Egyptian belief that when a person dies and his soul reaches the gates of heaven, the Gods ask two questions that determine if the soul will enter heaven or not. The two questions are “have you had joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to someone’s life?” It is as simple as that.
Have joy and bring joy. An angry, bitter person will never be able to enjoy life and his life will most certainly not bring joy. Happiness and joy are contagious as are pain and misery? What would you rather choose?
I don’t really know much about heaven and hell but why make our life on earth hell when we have the capability right within ourselves to make it into heaven. Why not choose happiness and attain heaven on earth?
Luv/luck/happiness
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The noise of silence
How often have we heard people say that “Silence is golden”. In fact the Tremeloes even dedicated a song to silence.….bet you are humming it right now.
Didn’t realize how noisy and scary silence can be. All our lives we are surrounded by so much external noise that the internal noise gets buried somewhere in our subconscious. The moment the external subsides, the internal starts rearing its ugly head.
I decided to brave my way into silence for the second time. I had attempted to do this a couple of years ago ( Attended Vipassna – a ten day course in silence and meditation) and despite everyone challenging me that I could not do it , I had somehow managed to survive the 10 days with minimal talk and minimal interaction with the outside world. I had however cheated on few occasions as I could not understand the logic behind the exercise.
Since then however, something in my chemical makeup must have changed as I now willingly look for opportunities that take me away into silence and allow me to commune with my inner self.
Having said that; it still is extremely noisy and scary to be in one’s own company.
I was recently in an ashram in India where on offer were Panchakarma treatments. I had heard a lot about the Ayurvedic Panchakarma treatments, so I decided to give it a try. Panchakarma literally translates into “five actions” actions that work towards cleansing and rejuvenating the body, mind and consciousness.
It is well known that our mind plays an extremely important role in influencing the health of our body. By controlling our mind we can control our body. Many life threatening diseases have been overcome by way of positive thinking, repetition of affirmations and visualization techniques.
Panchakarma works in the opposite way. It works on the body and thereby brings about desired results in the mind and eventually helps to raise ones consciousness. The therapies include full body and head massages with oil and herbs, oil baths, pouring of Ghee ( pure rarified butter) into your eyes, nose and ears and other orifices if one is brave enough. Back massage, shoulder treatments, powder massages and synchronized massages by two therapists.
It all sounded extremely exotic and relaxing.
My friend and I quickly signed up for a 10 day program. This was however no 5 star luxury, the accommodation and the food was as basic as it could be. One saving grace was hot water and toilet paper! We had beetles and spiders for company and the variety of beetles was pretty impressive!
I was mentally prepared so took it all in my stride. I was paying – a mere 500 USD for my 10 day stay which included all meals and treatments. The same in a fancy spa would have cost me 4000 USD. I had no right to complain.
The first day was a beautiful full body massage followed by steam. I felt great and started looking forward to the rest of my days.
The second day , I was made to lie on my stomach and a moat of dough was made all over my back. Warm oil was then poured on to my back and I was asked to stay still, both in mind and body. The body somehow managed to stay still but the mind started racing at the speed of 180 mph per sec (The take off speed of a jet). My mind went everywhere and anywhere. I could not bring myself to relax. I thought of all the silly things, my pains, my joys, my past and my future. In 45 minutes I had relived my life a lifetime over.
Next day was the Shirodhara treatment, where warm oil is poured constantly for 45 min on your forehead in soft sweeping motion. Again I was to lie still and let my mind and body rest. I went into panic mode at the thought of having to keep up with the 180 mph speed of my thought waves. Yet again it came to pass, but by this time I was completely exhausted and spent trying to muffle the noise of my internal clutter.
Two more agonizing days of wonderful therapies and crazy thoughts, and by the fifth day I had come to terms with the noise of silence and was ready to face it. It must have shown on my face, because as soon as I walked in to the therapy room, the therapist commented on how calm and peaceful I looked.
The therapies were finally producing results. My body and my mind were getting rid of all the toxins. The physical had finally transformed into the mental. By way of externally treating my body, my mind had gotten treated as well. It was not easy though. At times it felt as if my head would explode with all the thoughts that kept coming to the surface. I had extremely nasty headaches and my nose would not stop running, but somehow I was convinced that it was just an outlet for all the clutter and toxins to leave my body. I became a masochist. I started looking forward to pain and misery.
My friend had a similar experience and during our evening walks we used to compare notes. All was wonderful except the internal noise. Why were our thoughts running at this insane speed? Why was our whole life being packed into 45 minutes a day? All our fears and aspirations were coming to the surface and we had to finally deal with it.
Often we put things away in a little part somewhere in our minds, hoping that the unpleasant would not come to the surface and the pleasant can be visited on demand. Life unfortunately does not work that way. Both the pleasant and the unpleasant are a part of life and both play an equal and important role. We never value the pleasant if we have never experienced the unpleasant. It is the combination of both that gives life its meaning.
In my silence and solitude, I experienced the emotional roller coaster of thoughts buried under layers of external debris. All our lives we try and muffle the internal noise by indulging in external activities. We drown ourselves in work, in our children, in parties, in alcohol, in books, in TV anything that will keep us occupied and keep us away from our own internal chatter. The fear of coming face to face with one’s own self is far greater than any fear from the outside.
I met a 26 year old lady from Slovenia who was also visiting the ashram; she would sit quietly outside the temple and not speak with anyone. One day out of the blue, she came and started talking with me and told me that she was here trying to run away from herself. She was mortally afraid of her thoughts and was trying to drown the internal noise in the ringing of bells and the chanting of mantras in the temple. She said she had experienced glimpses of happiness and peace, but most of the time she had to face the demons of her mind which were convincing her of her fallibility and constantly reminding her of her past indiscretions. There was nowhere she could run to escape this noise. A friend recommended “silence therapy” and that is why she was here. She seemed extremely distraught and unable to cope. The noise persisted and got worse, but as the saying goes “It is always darkest before dawn”. I guess she was going through a catharsis and she had to dig really deep.
Talking to her made me aware of my own fight with my emotional baggage and sure enough I decided to start putting it away. Often it is easier said than done, but habits are formed bit by bit, so they can only be broken bit by bit.
I had read somewhere that “when painful thoughts visit , one should immediately try to supplant those with some neutral or nonsensical thought such as a pink elephant or red rose or repetition of a word like dig, dig, dig…anything that will take away the attention from the painful thought . Of course it would be better to think of something positive, but at times it is easier to think of nonsense than to think of something positive. The technique is called “brain switching”. Concentrating on a neutral or nonsensical thought will jam the sad thought and eventually get one out of the depressed state. Our brain has limited capacity in this regard. It can only think one thought at a time. Mind jumps from thought to thought, but at any one time it can only think one thought. So when faced with the noise of painful thoughts, immediately switch to nonsensical thoughts.”
I had forgotten about this technique, but as I was revisiting my silence and dreading the onslaught of 180mph thoughts, it suddenly came back to me. I immediately put it to test. Lying with my face down and body still, enjoying the warm oil being poured on my back I started to recite a mantra. Before I knew it, my mind had gone into silence and I was at peace. I was not afraid of the internal dialogue any more. I had found a way of dealing with it.
It’s true, what we resist, persists. I was trying so hard not to think of the painful memories that, that is all I kept thinking about. The moment I accepted those memories and decided to switch my focus on the mantra, the thoughts slowly but surely started to dissipate. By the 5th day, I was completely at peace and not afraid of the internal chatter any more.
Our 10 day sojourn eventually got shortened into 8 days as by the 7th day both my friend and I had enough of the bugs and the beetles and had probably had enough decluttering that we were ready to go back to our respective lifestyles full of clutter and chaos ….. All the stuff that makes life worth living!
We decided that, it was enough for the first time and that next time around we would brave the internal chatter, but indulge in a real spa and have some gorgeous hunks for company instead of the bugs and the spiders.
Luv/luck/happiness
Didn’t realize how noisy and scary silence can be. All our lives we are surrounded by so much external noise that the internal noise gets buried somewhere in our subconscious. The moment the external subsides, the internal starts rearing its ugly head.
I decided to brave my way into silence for the second time. I had attempted to do this a couple of years ago ( Attended Vipassna – a ten day course in silence and meditation) and despite everyone challenging me that I could not do it , I had somehow managed to survive the 10 days with minimal talk and minimal interaction with the outside world. I had however cheated on few occasions as I could not understand the logic behind the exercise.
Since then however, something in my chemical makeup must have changed as I now willingly look for opportunities that take me away into silence and allow me to commune with my inner self.
Having said that; it still is extremely noisy and scary to be in one’s own company.
I was recently in an ashram in India where on offer were Panchakarma treatments. I had heard a lot about the Ayurvedic Panchakarma treatments, so I decided to give it a try. Panchakarma literally translates into “five actions” actions that work towards cleansing and rejuvenating the body, mind and consciousness.
It is well known that our mind plays an extremely important role in influencing the health of our body. By controlling our mind we can control our body. Many life threatening diseases have been overcome by way of positive thinking, repetition of affirmations and visualization techniques.
Panchakarma works in the opposite way. It works on the body and thereby brings about desired results in the mind and eventually helps to raise ones consciousness. The therapies include full body and head massages with oil and herbs, oil baths, pouring of Ghee ( pure rarified butter) into your eyes, nose and ears and other orifices if one is brave enough. Back massage, shoulder treatments, powder massages and synchronized massages by two therapists.
It all sounded extremely exotic and relaxing.
My friend and I quickly signed up for a 10 day program. This was however no 5 star luxury, the accommodation and the food was as basic as it could be. One saving grace was hot water and toilet paper! We had beetles and spiders for company and the variety of beetles was pretty impressive!
I was mentally prepared so took it all in my stride. I was paying – a mere 500 USD for my 10 day stay which included all meals and treatments. The same in a fancy spa would have cost me 4000 USD. I had no right to complain.
The first day was a beautiful full body massage followed by steam. I felt great and started looking forward to the rest of my days.
The second day , I was made to lie on my stomach and a moat of dough was made all over my back. Warm oil was then poured on to my back and I was asked to stay still, both in mind and body. The body somehow managed to stay still but the mind started racing at the speed of 180 mph per sec (The take off speed of a jet). My mind went everywhere and anywhere. I could not bring myself to relax. I thought of all the silly things, my pains, my joys, my past and my future. In 45 minutes I had relived my life a lifetime over.
Next day was the Shirodhara treatment, where warm oil is poured constantly for 45 min on your forehead in soft sweeping motion. Again I was to lie still and let my mind and body rest. I went into panic mode at the thought of having to keep up with the 180 mph speed of my thought waves. Yet again it came to pass, but by this time I was completely exhausted and spent trying to muffle the noise of my internal clutter.
Two more agonizing days of wonderful therapies and crazy thoughts, and by the fifth day I had come to terms with the noise of silence and was ready to face it. It must have shown on my face, because as soon as I walked in to the therapy room, the therapist commented on how calm and peaceful I looked.
The therapies were finally producing results. My body and my mind were getting rid of all the toxins. The physical had finally transformed into the mental. By way of externally treating my body, my mind had gotten treated as well. It was not easy though. At times it felt as if my head would explode with all the thoughts that kept coming to the surface. I had extremely nasty headaches and my nose would not stop running, but somehow I was convinced that it was just an outlet for all the clutter and toxins to leave my body. I became a masochist. I started looking forward to pain and misery.
My friend had a similar experience and during our evening walks we used to compare notes. All was wonderful except the internal noise. Why were our thoughts running at this insane speed? Why was our whole life being packed into 45 minutes a day? All our fears and aspirations were coming to the surface and we had to finally deal with it.
Often we put things away in a little part somewhere in our minds, hoping that the unpleasant would not come to the surface and the pleasant can be visited on demand. Life unfortunately does not work that way. Both the pleasant and the unpleasant are a part of life and both play an equal and important role. We never value the pleasant if we have never experienced the unpleasant. It is the combination of both that gives life its meaning.
In my silence and solitude, I experienced the emotional roller coaster of thoughts buried under layers of external debris. All our lives we try and muffle the internal noise by indulging in external activities. We drown ourselves in work, in our children, in parties, in alcohol, in books, in TV anything that will keep us occupied and keep us away from our own internal chatter. The fear of coming face to face with one’s own self is far greater than any fear from the outside.
I met a 26 year old lady from Slovenia who was also visiting the ashram; she would sit quietly outside the temple and not speak with anyone. One day out of the blue, she came and started talking with me and told me that she was here trying to run away from herself. She was mortally afraid of her thoughts and was trying to drown the internal noise in the ringing of bells and the chanting of mantras in the temple. She said she had experienced glimpses of happiness and peace, but most of the time she had to face the demons of her mind which were convincing her of her fallibility and constantly reminding her of her past indiscretions. There was nowhere she could run to escape this noise. A friend recommended “silence therapy” and that is why she was here. She seemed extremely distraught and unable to cope. The noise persisted and got worse, but as the saying goes “It is always darkest before dawn”. I guess she was going through a catharsis and she had to dig really deep.
Talking to her made me aware of my own fight with my emotional baggage and sure enough I decided to start putting it away. Often it is easier said than done, but habits are formed bit by bit, so they can only be broken bit by bit.
I had read somewhere that “when painful thoughts visit , one should immediately try to supplant those with some neutral or nonsensical thought such as a pink elephant or red rose or repetition of a word like dig, dig, dig…anything that will take away the attention from the painful thought . Of course it would be better to think of something positive, but at times it is easier to think of nonsense than to think of something positive. The technique is called “brain switching”. Concentrating on a neutral or nonsensical thought will jam the sad thought and eventually get one out of the depressed state. Our brain has limited capacity in this regard. It can only think one thought at a time. Mind jumps from thought to thought, but at any one time it can only think one thought. So when faced with the noise of painful thoughts, immediately switch to nonsensical thoughts.”
I had forgotten about this technique, but as I was revisiting my silence and dreading the onslaught of 180mph thoughts, it suddenly came back to me. I immediately put it to test. Lying with my face down and body still, enjoying the warm oil being poured on my back I started to recite a mantra. Before I knew it, my mind had gone into silence and I was at peace. I was not afraid of the internal dialogue any more. I had found a way of dealing with it.
It’s true, what we resist, persists. I was trying so hard not to think of the painful memories that, that is all I kept thinking about. The moment I accepted those memories and decided to switch my focus on the mantra, the thoughts slowly but surely started to dissipate. By the 5th day, I was completely at peace and not afraid of the internal chatter any more.
Our 10 day sojourn eventually got shortened into 8 days as by the 7th day both my friend and I had enough of the bugs and the beetles and had probably had enough decluttering that we were ready to go back to our respective lifestyles full of clutter and chaos ….. All the stuff that makes life worth living!
We decided that, it was enough for the first time and that next time around we would brave the internal chatter, but indulge in a real spa and have some gorgeous hunks for company instead of the bugs and the spiders.
Luv/luck/happiness
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Goal setting Webinar by Carol Gates
Just finished hearing Carol Gates –President of Bob Proctor Coaching Program. It is a wonder that I actually logged on time and managed to dial in without any hiccups.
You see, I am a self proclaimed Luddite. Technology has a way of scaring me off, so although I have heard of things like Pod Casts, webinars, uploading and downloading … I still have not been able to crack it. Although some of my friends may disagree, because amongst them I am probably the most technology savvy as I stare at the computer all day……
So let’s get to the real crux of the matter. Today’s webinar was on Goal setting.
Why do we set Goals?
We set goals to achieve results…… no brainer!, but how often do we achieve those results?
Maybe about 50% of the time?
Why?
Because we don’t have a proper action plan and our goals are based on our past thinking and past beliefs, so maybe although we want to achieve a goal, there is a constant nagger telling us it might be impossible.
This is where people like Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield, John Assaraf, Lisa Nichols … and all those from “The Secret” and many others come to our rescue. These people apparently set goals and achieved them and are now are setting goals to help other people achieve their goals.
According to Carol on the Webinar, there are three basic premises to our being.
1. We are spiritual
2. We have an intellect
3. We live in a physical body.
We are constantly in a state of vibration with the Universe. The vibrations that we are in choose our emotions. Those emotions form our beliefs and propel us either towards action or inaction.
Our mind is larger than our physical body and it generates approximately 60,000 thoughts a day. We have the ability to choose our thoughts. We either accept or reject those thoughts based on our experiences and thinking. From those thoughts we generate feelings. Those feelings then convert into actions and those actions bring about results.
VIBRATION ACTION CONDITIONS, CIRCUMSTANCES, ENVIRONMENTS
ACTIONS THAT CAUSE REACTIONS WHICH ALTER THE RESULTS
Often when we set goals we limit ourselves based on what we have experienced in the past, so even though we want something, we immediately second guess and say to ourselves “but that is impossible” This is just a dream.
This is exactly what Carol wants us to do. She wants us to set impossibly high goals. Goals that we think are beyond our capacity. Goals that we think are just pipe dreams.
At this stage all we need to do is set an impossible dream and not care about how we aim to achieve that goal. Why waste energy in the how, when all we need is the what. There is no limit on what you can dream and no limit on what you can achieve. We are only limited in our ability to believe. So for once give in to your fantasy, go into fantasia and dream.
At this stage get yourselves a pen and paper or go to your computer and make a list of 30 things that you would like to achieve. The list could be as seemingly impossible as you would like it to be. For once don’t limit yourself by being realistic.
Your dream could be wealth related, relationship related, achievement related, fame related, health related and so on. Out of all these choose one primary goal. The bigger the better, but let the goals be materialistic instead of being grandiose like attaining world peace and eradicating hunger!! At this stage be selfish. Think of what you really would like to achieve… maybe millions of dollars, maybe a beautiful condo, a new car, loose a few pounds, get your dream mate etc.
Now start with one that you really want and start to live that fantasy, start to visualize it. See it in color. See it in your mind’s eye. Believe it to be fulfilled. Have faith in its achievement. Do not focus on the how; just continue your focus on the what. Know where you are going and know that you will get there.
According to Earl Nightingale, “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal”.
This is where you need to evaluate success, what does success really mean to you, what does success really feel like.
Every day we are trading our lives for something, so we may as well trade it for something worthwhile. Make yourself a worthy goal.
The steps to goal achievement:-
1. Start your goal by saying that “ I am so happy and grateful now that……………………………….
2. Write your goal in the present tense. Our subconscious mind that is actually more powerful than our conscious and it only understands the present . State your goal in the now…...like I am so happy and grateful about being 120 pounds, or I am so grateful and happy about living in this beautiful condo…. You get the idea!
3. Set the target date. At a later stage if you think you are unable to comply with your target date, just shift the target date, but never ever give up on your goal/dream
The webinar ended on a beautiful saying by Henry David Thoreau, “ If a person will advance confidently in the direction of their dream and endeavor to live the life they have imagined they will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”
She went on to motivate us to take result oriented steps and encouraged us to ask questions…for the quality of our questions will determine the quality of the answers we will get.
More to come!!!!
I surely got a lot out of it and hopefully my goal of writing that best seller on happiness will be a reality .
Thanks Carol and thanks Bob.
Luv/luck/Happiness
You see, I am a self proclaimed Luddite. Technology has a way of scaring me off, so although I have heard of things like Pod Casts, webinars, uploading and downloading … I still have not been able to crack it. Although some of my friends may disagree, because amongst them I am probably the most technology savvy as I stare at the computer all day……
So let’s get to the real crux of the matter. Today’s webinar was on Goal setting.
Why do we set Goals?
We set goals to achieve results…… no brainer!, but how often do we achieve those results?
Maybe about 50% of the time?
Why?
Because we don’t have a proper action plan and our goals are based on our past thinking and past beliefs, so maybe although we want to achieve a goal, there is a constant nagger telling us it might be impossible.
This is where people like Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield, John Assaraf, Lisa Nichols … and all those from “The Secret” and many others come to our rescue. These people apparently set goals and achieved them and are now are setting goals to help other people achieve their goals.
According to Carol on the Webinar, there are three basic premises to our being.
1. We are spiritual
2. We have an intellect
3. We live in a physical body.
We are constantly in a state of vibration with the Universe. The vibrations that we are in choose our emotions. Those emotions form our beliefs and propel us either towards action or inaction.
Our mind is larger than our physical body and it generates approximately 60,000 thoughts a day. We have the ability to choose our thoughts. We either accept or reject those thoughts based on our experiences and thinking. From those thoughts we generate feelings. Those feelings then convert into actions and those actions bring about results.
VIBRATION ACTION CONDITIONS, CIRCUMSTANCES, ENVIRONMENTS
ACTIONS THAT CAUSE REACTIONS WHICH ALTER THE RESULTS
Often when we set goals we limit ourselves based on what we have experienced in the past, so even though we want something, we immediately second guess and say to ourselves “but that is impossible” This is just a dream.
This is exactly what Carol wants us to do. She wants us to set impossibly high goals. Goals that we think are beyond our capacity. Goals that we think are just pipe dreams.
At this stage all we need to do is set an impossible dream and not care about how we aim to achieve that goal. Why waste energy in the how, when all we need is the what. There is no limit on what you can dream and no limit on what you can achieve. We are only limited in our ability to believe. So for once give in to your fantasy, go into fantasia and dream.
At this stage get yourselves a pen and paper or go to your computer and make a list of 30 things that you would like to achieve. The list could be as seemingly impossible as you would like it to be. For once don’t limit yourself by being realistic.
Your dream could be wealth related, relationship related, achievement related, fame related, health related and so on. Out of all these choose one primary goal. The bigger the better, but let the goals be materialistic instead of being grandiose like attaining world peace and eradicating hunger!! At this stage be selfish. Think of what you really would like to achieve… maybe millions of dollars, maybe a beautiful condo, a new car, loose a few pounds, get your dream mate etc.
Now start with one that you really want and start to live that fantasy, start to visualize it. See it in color. See it in your mind’s eye. Believe it to be fulfilled. Have faith in its achievement. Do not focus on the how; just continue your focus on the what. Know where you are going and know that you will get there.
According to Earl Nightingale, “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal”.
This is where you need to evaluate success, what does success really mean to you, what does success really feel like.
Every day we are trading our lives for something, so we may as well trade it for something worthwhile. Make yourself a worthy goal.
The steps to goal achievement:-
1. Start your goal by saying that “ I am so happy and grateful now that……………………………….
2. Write your goal in the present tense. Our subconscious mind that is actually more powerful than our conscious and it only understands the present . State your goal in the now…...like I am so happy and grateful about being 120 pounds, or I am so grateful and happy about living in this beautiful condo…. You get the idea!
3. Set the target date. At a later stage if you think you are unable to comply with your target date, just shift the target date, but never ever give up on your goal/dream
The webinar ended on a beautiful saying by Henry David Thoreau, “ If a person will advance confidently in the direction of their dream and endeavor to live the life they have imagined they will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”
She went on to motivate us to take result oriented steps and encouraged us to ask questions…for the quality of our questions will determine the quality of the answers we will get.
More to come!!!!
I surely got a lot out of it and hopefully my goal of writing that best seller on happiness will be a reality .
Thanks Carol and thanks Bob.
Luv/luck/Happiness
Monday, June 30, 2008
The Dragon Scroll
I went to see Kung Fu Panda this afternoon with a bunch of children. A movie about a big fat Panda whose one dream is to be a Kung Fu master. As we were walking out, I asked the children what they saw and what they learnt. A very animated discussion followed and they said , it was a movie about Kung fu, It was about the animals, It was about the dragon scroll, it was about the triumph of good over evil, it was about a fat Panda called Po and so on.
But the one line that made a impact on me was “Things become special, because people believe them to be special”. It all comes down to the power of belief. If we believe we can, we will and if we believe we can’t we won’t.
The following is a summary of the movie as stated in Wikipedia.
Po is a panda who works in a noodle restaurant owned by his adoptive goose father Mr. Ping. He is a kung fu fanatic with secret dreams of becoming a great master in the discipline; however his weight and clumsiness seem to make his goal unattainable; Mr. Ping hopes instead that Po will one day take over the restaurant.
The tortoise Master Oogway has a premonition that the evil snow leopard warrior Tai Lung, the former student of his own protégé, the red panda Master Shifu will escape from prison and return to threaten the Valley of Peace. While Shifu sends Zeng, a messenger goose, to Chorh-Gom Prison to have the security increased, Oogway orders a formal ceremony to choose the mighty Dragon Warrior who can defeat Tai Lung. Everyone assumes that one of the Furious Five — Tigress, Monkey, Mantis, Viper, and Crane— a quintet of supremely skilled martial artists trained by Shifu, will be chosen for this honor.
While the Five demonstrate their skills at the ceremony, Po finds himself locked outside the walled palace square. As a last-ditch attempt to get in, he makes a chair out of fireworks, which sends him flying into the center of the arena. Inspired by this sudden appearance, the old master tortoise designates Po the Dragon Warrior to everyone's shock. Despite Po's protests and Shifu's pleas to reconsider, Oogway stands by his decision.
Revolted at having Po under his tutelage, Shifu attempts to make him quit by berating and humiliating him. The Five similarly dismiss Po as a worthless interloper. Although he becomes aware of Shifu's true intentions and is deeply hurt by his heroes' disdain for him, Po endures their abuse willingly for the dream to become something more than the failure he thinks he is. Master Oogway, still certain that Po is the right choice, gives him sage advice to believe in himself. Eventually, Po endears himself to the Five (except for the disdainful Tigress) with his tenacity, good cooking, and sense of humor.
Meanwhile, Zeng's errand backfires when a tour of the prison given to him by the overly confident head of security, Commander Vachir inadvertently enables Tai Lung to escape. Tai Lung orders Zeng to send word of his arrival to Shifu. In the Valley of Peace, Oogway passes away, his final wish that Shifu train Po. However, upon learning of Tai Lung's return, and realizing that he has to face the evil warrior, Po attempts to flee. Shifu stops the panda and promises to train him if he is truly destined to be the Dragon Warrior. When Po confesses his deep self-loathing due to his obesity and his belief that he may never be a match for Tai Lung, Shifu is at a loss for a solution. Overhearing the argument between Po and Shifu, the Five take it upon themselves to intercept Tai Lung. After a long night of pondering, Shifu discovers the following morning that Po is capable of impressive physical feats when motivated by food. Realizing that he has found the right focus for the panda, Shifu leads Po to the countryside for an intensive training regime in which Po is offered food as a reward for learning his lessons properly. As Shifu hopes, Po excels with such motivation and swiftly becomes a skilled combatant.
The Five battle Tai Lung but are eventually paralyzed with a specialized nerve-striking technique. When they return defeated, Shifu decides Po is ready to face the villain and gives him the sacred Dragon Scroll, which promises great power to the possessor. When Po opens it, he finds nothing but a blank reflective surface. Stricken with despair at the scroll's apparent worthlessness, Shifu orders his students to lead the villagers to safety while he stays to delay Tai Lung from pursuing them for as long as he can.
As Po participates in the evacuation, he meets his father, who tries to cheer him up by telling him the secret ingredient of the family's noodle soup: nothing. Things become special, he explains, because people believe them to be special. Realizing that this truth is the very point of the Dragon Scroll, Po rushes off to help Shifu. At this time, Tai Lung attacks Shifu and berates him for not granting him the title of Dragon Warrior just because Master Oogway did not choose him. To remedy that, the leopard wants the Dragon Scroll for himself to complete his training. While fighting, he expresses that he gave in to his aggression and anger so he could make Shifu proud of him. For his part, Shifu is crippled by his profound feelings of guilt and responsibility for his former protégé, whom he loved and raised like a son, turning to darkness.
Tai Lung angrily discovers that the Dragon Scroll is gone, and he attempts to kill Shifu in his anger. But before he can, Po arrives and challenges him. Although Tai Lung scoffs at Po's abilities, the ensuing fight proves Po to be a formidable opponent. Despite Po's skill, Tai Lung temporarily stuns him and gains the Dragon Scroll, but is unable to understand its symbolism. Po tries to explain the wisdom of the scroll to Tai Lung, but the frustrated Tai Lung tries to subdue Po with his nerve strikes. The attack proves useless on the panda, as his nerves are difficult to find due to his body fat. Emboldened, Po counter-attacks with an improvised combat style that takes advantage of his girth to absorb and deflect the force from Tai Lung's attacks back at him. In the end, Po uses the Wuxi Finger Hold on Tai Lung (which he claims to have "figured out" on his own), and destroys him with a devastating explosion that ripples through the valley.
The Five return to the valley to investigate the cause of the explosion and find a slightly dazed but triumphant Po. Deeply impressed at Po's victory, Tigress leads the Five to acknowledge the panda as a Kung Fu master. The villagers, including Po's father, follow suit and hail Po as a hero. At first, he is overjoyed, but then Po remembers that his teacher is badly wounded, and rushes back to Shifu, who claims that he is now finally at peace. At first, Shifu appears to be dying, and Po panicks. But it turns out that he is only resting after such a trying battle .
How could a lazy , clumsy Panda win against the mighty powers of a skillful leopard? The only weapon he had in his arsenal was the power of belief. It reminded me of the Peter Pan movie I had seen a few years ago and, when Capt Hook and his cronies start singing in glee that they do not believe in fairies the fairies start disappearing and when Peter Pan overpowers them and insists on having them say that they believe in fairies, the fairies start reviving.
Of course these are fictional characters and fictional stories, but there is nothing fictional about the power of belief.
It is now being proven beyond doubt that our beliefs and our perception of our environments create out reality. I just finished watching a talk by Dr Bruce Lipton who talks about how our biology is affected by the thought programming of our beliefs. ( www.integrative-breakthrough-coaching-solutions.com/bruce-lipton-videos.html). So if we believe ourselves to be failures, we will create circumstances in our life that will validate our beliefs. On the other hand if we believe ourselves to be successful our biology and the perception of our environment will change to fulfill our belief of success.
This is no doubt true, but explaining that to 5, 6 , 7 and 8 year olds was not exactly cake walk. When I asked the children what they believed in and if their beliefs were strong enough to come true, their answers were “of course yes”. So when the 5 year old mentioned that her belief was that she could fly from the top of the building, I really had to burst her bubble and say, “you know darling your beliefs have to be realistic, like becoming the best in your class, the best golfer, the best skier etc”. There I was in my limited belief structure already influencing the 5 year old with limiting thinking. I guess, our belief structure is so deep rooted that it will take a few thousand, maybe million years of evolution for our genetic structure to conform to the belief of flights of physical fancy. But having said that, I still believe in the power of belief and love the HSBC line “ What can be imagined can be achieved”. So for once let your flights of fancy take off and aim for the stars, so what if you fail you just might catch a cloud!!!
Luv/luck/happiness
But the one line that made a impact on me was “Things become special, because people believe them to be special”. It all comes down to the power of belief. If we believe we can, we will and if we believe we can’t we won’t.
The following is a summary of the movie as stated in Wikipedia.
Po is a panda who works in a noodle restaurant owned by his adoptive goose father Mr. Ping. He is a kung fu fanatic with secret dreams of becoming a great master in the discipline; however his weight and clumsiness seem to make his goal unattainable; Mr. Ping hopes instead that Po will one day take over the restaurant.
The tortoise Master Oogway has a premonition that the evil snow leopard warrior Tai Lung, the former student of his own protégé, the red panda Master Shifu will escape from prison and return to threaten the Valley of Peace. While Shifu sends Zeng, a messenger goose, to Chorh-Gom Prison to have the security increased, Oogway orders a formal ceremony to choose the mighty Dragon Warrior who can defeat Tai Lung. Everyone assumes that one of the Furious Five — Tigress, Monkey, Mantis, Viper, and Crane— a quintet of supremely skilled martial artists trained by Shifu, will be chosen for this honor.
While the Five demonstrate their skills at the ceremony, Po finds himself locked outside the walled palace square. As a last-ditch attempt to get in, he makes a chair out of fireworks, which sends him flying into the center of the arena. Inspired by this sudden appearance, the old master tortoise designates Po the Dragon Warrior to everyone's shock. Despite Po's protests and Shifu's pleas to reconsider, Oogway stands by his decision.
Revolted at having Po under his tutelage, Shifu attempts to make him quit by berating and humiliating him. The Five similarly dismiss Po as a worthless interloper. Although he becomes aware of Shifu's true intentions and is deeply hurt by his heroes' disdain for him, Po endures their abuse willingly for the dream to become something more than the failure he thinks he is. Master Oogway, still certain that Po is the right choice, gives him sage advice to believe in himself. Eventually, Po endears himself to the Five (except for the disdainful Tigress) with his tenacity, good cooking, and sense of humor.
Meanwhile, Zeng's errand backfires when a tour of the prison given to him by the overly confident head of security, Commander Vachir inadvertently enables Tai Lung to escape. Tai Lung orders Zeng to send word of his arrival to Shifu. In the Valley of Peace, Oogway passes away, his final wish that Shifu train Po. However, upon learning of Tai Lung's return, and realizing that he has to face the evil warrior, Po attempts to flee. Shifu stops the panda and promises to train him if he is truly destined to be the Dragon Warrior. When Po confesses his deep self-loathing due to his obesity and his belief that he may never be a match for Tai Lung, Shifu is at a loss for a solution. Overhearing the argument between Po and Shifu, the Five take it upon themselves to intercept Tai Lung. After a long night of pondering, Shifu discovers the following morning that Po is capable of impressive physical feats when motivated by food. Realizing that he has found the right focus for the panda, Shifu leads Po to the countryside for an intensive training regime in which Po is offered food as a reward for learning his lessons properly. As Shifu hopes, Po excels with such motivation and swiftly becomes a skilled combatant.
The Five battle Tai Lung but are eventually paralyzed with a specialized nerve-striking technique. When they return defeated, Shifu decides Po is ready to face the villain and gives him the sacred Dragon Scroll, which promises great power to the possessor. When Po opens it, he finds nothing but a blank reflective surface. Stricken with despair at the scroll's apparent worthlessness, Shifu orders his students to lead the villagers to safety while he stays to delay Tai Lung from pursuing them for as long as he can.
As Po participates in the evacuation, he meets his father, who tries to cheer him up by telling him the secret ingredient of the family's noodle soup: nothing. Things become special, he explains, because people believe them to be special. Realizing that this truth is the very point of the Dragon Scroll, Po rushes off to help Shifu. At this time, Tai Lung attacks Shifu and berates him for not granting him the title of Dragon Warrior just because Master Oogway did not choose him. To remedy that, the leopard wants the Dragon Scroll for himself to complete his training. While fighting, he expresses that he gave in to his aggression and anger so he could make Shifu proud of him. For his part, Shifu is crippled by his profound feelings of guilt and responsibility for his former protégé, whom he loved and raised like a son, turning to darkness.
Tai Lung angrily discovers that the Dragon Scroll is gone, and he attempts to kill Shifu in his anger. But before he can, Po arrives and challenges him. Although Tai Lung scoffs at Po's abilities, the ensuing fight proves Po to be a formidable opponent. Despite Po's skill, Tai Lung temporarily stuns him and gains the Dragon Scroll, but is unable to understand its symbolism. Po tries to explain the wisdom of the scroll to Tai Lung, but the frustrated Tai Lung tries to subdue Po with his nerve strikes. The attack proves useless on the panda, as his nerves are difficult to find due to his body fat. Emboldened, Po counter-attacks with an improvised combat style that takes advantage of his girth to absorb and deflect the force from Tai Lung's attacks back at him. In the end, Po uses the Wuxi Finger Hold on Tai Lung (which he claims to have "figured out" on his own), and destroys him with a devastating explosion that ripples through the valley.
The Five return to the valley to investigate the cause of the explosion and find a slightly dazed but triumphant Po. Deeply impressed at Po's victory, Tigress leads the Five to acknowledge the panda as a Kung Fu master. The villagers, including Po's father, follow suit and hail Po as a hero. At first, he is overjoyed, but then Po remembers that his teacher is badly wounded, and rushes back to Shifu, who claims that he is now finally at peace. At first, Shifu appears to be dying, and Po panicks. But it turns out that he is only resting after such a trying battle .
How could a lazy , clumsy Panda win against the mighty powers of a skillful leopard? The only weapon he had in his arsenal was the power of belief. It reminded me of the Peter Pan movie I had seen a few years ago and, when Capt Hook and his cronies start singing in glee that they do not believe in fairies the fairies start disappearing and when Peter Pan overpowers them and insists on having them say that they believe in fairies, the fairies start reviving.
Of course these are fictional characters and fictional stories, but there is nothing fictional about the power of belief.
It is now being proven beyond doubt that our beliefs and our perception of our environments create out reality. I just finished watching a talk by Dr Bruce Lipton who talks about how our biology is affected by the thought programming of our beliefs. ( www.integrative-breakthrough-coaching-solutions.com/bruce-lipton-videos.html). So if we believe ourselves to be failures, we will create circumstances in our life that will validate our beliefs. On the other hand if we believe ourselves to be successful our biology and the perception of our environment will change to fulfill our belief of success.
This is no doubt true, but explaining that to 5, 6 , 7 and 8 year olds was not exactly cake walk. When I asked the children what they believed in and if their beliefs were strong enough to come true, their answers were “of course yes”. So when the 5 year old mentioned that her belief was that she could fly from the top of the building, I really had to burst her bubble and say, “you know darling your beliefs have to be realistic, like becoming the best in your class, the best golfer, the best skier etc”. There I was in my limited belief structure already influencing the 5 year old with limiting thinking. I guess, our belief structure is so deep rooted that it will take a few thousand, maybe million years of evolution for our genetic structure to conform to the belief of flights of physical fancy. But having said that, I still believe in the power of belief and love the HSBC line “ What can be imagined can be achieved”. So for once let your flights of fancy take off and aim for the stars, so what if you fail you just might catch a cloud!!!
Luv/luck/happiness
Gherlin makes us eat more!!!
According to an article in the Science Daily May 7, 2008
“A gut hormone causes people to eat more by making food appear more desirable, suggests a new report in the May issue of Cell Metabolism, a publication of Cell Press.
In a brain imaging study of individuals, the researchers found that reward centers respond more strongly to pictures of food in subjects who had received an infusion of the hormone known as ghrelin. The findings suggest that the two drives for feeding--metabolic signals and pleasure signals--are actually intertwined. It has also been well established that ghrelin activates feeding through its effects on the hypothalamus, where ghrelin receptors are densely concentrated. However, ghrelin also has specific effects on many brain regions implicated in reward and motivation.
"Ghrelin has widespread effects," Dagher said. "It's not one or two brain regions, but the whole network. [After ghrelin infusion], food pictures become even more salient--people actually see them better. It influences not only visual processing, but also memory. People remembered the food pictures better when ghrelin was high."
The reward centers linked to ghrelin in the new study are also those involved in drug addiction. "That shows it's reasonable to think of high-calorie food as having addictive potential.”
Wow, we really should be closing down the Mc Donalds and the KFC’s of the world!!!!!
We are always told that “ you are what you eat”, therefore it is imperitive that we put only the good stuff inside our bodies. But how often are we successful at following the right advise ?We always blame our lack of will power and berate ourselves for indulging in yet another gastronomic pleasure.Every time I took another bite of that tiramisu, or that lovely dark chocolate, I would get that momentary high followed by a long guilt ridden low . Now research has proven that it is not my fault that I am unable to stick to my resolve. Its that miscreant Gherlin rearing its ugly tentacles and forcing me to take yet another bite . I have an alibi, “its not me its Gherlin!!!!!!!”.
Or is it really???
Of course , if research says , there is a hormone that makes us eat more by giving us pleasure, so be it. I like the theory. I really like it. As I was discussing this article with a couple of friends, all too suddenly one exclaimed “ I knew it!! I have tried so many times to loose weight, but I just can’t stop eating, now I know why? Another took her que and said that it was the same with her, she has been trying to give up smoking but she can’t, it’s the bl…y gherlin.” I too thought of my indescretions with food and alcohol and eased back in my chair thinking that finally I too could relegate responsibility of my actions to my hormones.
I came back home and as I was giving my daughter her daily dose of inspiration!!!!!! ( our favorite line is if you say you can you can and if you say you can’t you can’t) it dawned on me that I was trying to preach what I was not following. How easily I was blaming my new friend “GHERLIN” for my addictions.
The Gherlin was more like a Gremlin and we all know what Gremlins do,( they wreak havoc by sabotaging airplanes). So the gherlin was the gremlin responsible for sabotaging my resolve and self restraint….
But did I have to be a slave to my addictions? Addictions only happen if we allow them to become addictions. Gherlin’s job is to make us feel hungry,it will do what ever it needs to make us eat. It is marketing its need. Marketing is all about making the product look more attractive and thereby more appealing. It is our descretion to allow the marketing strategy to work or not.
There is word in sanskrit called ‘samskaras’. Samskaras are grooves and impressions of the mind. These samskaras are formed when certain thought waves become habitual. If we were to ignore these thought waves or ‘vrittis’, no patterns or impressions would be formed, but if we were to give in to our momentary pleasure, it would become a force in our life and a samskara would be formed. Once a samskara has been formed, it takes a huge effort to erase that particular impression.
Every time we give in to our desire a new brain pattern is formed and our desire becomes our necessity.
The cycle goes like this. Meal times- gherlin production increases, we get hungry we eat, but 90% of the time we over eat. Now our stomach and our brain has gotten used to eating more than we need and the groove/impression of the required amount of food has been formed. This generally happens during childhood. Often parents in their well meaning way force the children to eat more than they need . So now our gherlin production has increased and leptin ( the hormone that tells us we are full) has been slowed. It now takes a huge effort to retrain our brain and our stomach to go back to its original food requirement. Our ‘samskara’ for overeating has been formed.
Gherlin also activates the reward centre of the brain and indirectly adds to our pleasure, so if you read between the lines, it is not really the food that the brain is craving for, it is craving pleasure.
Now we understand why when we are emotionaly down we crave food. It’s the pleasure derived out of eating a high calorie food that we crave, so if it is pleasure that the body is craving, we need to look at what gives us pleasure.
Could alternative pleasure be an antidote to obesity? Could sex substitute food? What are the other activities that give pleasure? Going for movies, ( no popcorn and no sodas), spending an evening with friends, Indulging in your favorite pass time (other than eating), exercising, reading, etc. whatever brings pleasure to you will help you achieve your weight loss goal.
Find a passion . Get into the flow ( as mentioned by Mihaly Chikszentmihalyi). When one is in a state of flow, nothing else matters… so gherlin or no gherlin…you are always in control
luv/luck/happiness
“A gut hormone causes people to eat more by making food appear more desirable, suggests a new report in the May issue of Cell Metabolism, a publication of Cell Press.
In a brain imaging study of individuals, the researchers found that reward centers respond more strongly to pictures of food in subjects who had received an infusion of the hormone known as ghrelin. The findings suggest that the two drives for feeding--metabolic signals and pleasure signals--are actually intertwined. It has also been well established that ghrelin activates feeding through its effects on the hypothalamus, where ghrelin receptors are densely concentrated. However, ghrelin also has specific effects on many brain regions implicated in reward and motivation.
"Ghrelin has widespread effects," Dagher said. "It's not one or two brain regions, but the whole network. [After ghrelin infusion], food pictures become even more salient--people actually see them better. It influences not only visual processing, but also memory. People remembered the food pictures better when ghrelin was high."
The reward centers linked to ghrelin in the new study are also those involved in drug addiction. "That shows it's reasonable to think of high-calorie food as having addictive potential.”
Wow, we really should be closing down the Mc Donalds and the KFC’s of the world!!!!!
We are always told that “ you are what you eat”, therefore it is imperitive that we put only the good stuff inside our bodies. But how often are we successful at following the right advise ?We always blame our lack of will power and berate ourselves for indulging in yet another gastronomic pleasure.Every time I took another bite of that tiramisu, or that lovely dark chocolate, I would get that momentary high followed by a long guilt ridden low . Now research has proven that it is not my fault that I am unable to stick to my resolve. Its that miscreant Gherlin rearing its ugly tentacles and forcing me to take yet another bite . I have an alibi, “its not me its Gherlin!!!!!!!”.
Or is it really???
Of course , if research says , there is a hormone that makes us eat more by giving us pleasure, so be it. I like the theory. I really like it. As I was discussing this article with a couple of friends, all too suddenly one exclaimed “ I knew it!! I have tried so many times to loose weight, but I just can’t stop eating, now I know why? Another took her que and said that it was the same with her, she has been trying to give up smoking but she can’t, it’s the bl…y gherlin.” I too thought of my indescretions with food and alcohol and eased back in my chair thinking that finally I too could relegate responsibility of my actions to my hormones.
I came back home and as I was giving my daughter her daily dose of inspiration!!!!!! ( our favorite line is if you say you can you can and if you say you can’t you can’t) it dawned on me that I was trying to preach what I was not following. How easily I was blaming my new friend “GHERLIN” for my addictions.
The Gherlin was more like a Gremlin and we all know what Gremlins do,( they wreak havoc by sabotaging airplanes). So the gherlin was the gremlin responsible for sabotaging my resolve and self restraint….
But did I have to be a slave to my addictions? Addictions only happen if we allow them to become addictions. Gherlin’s job is to make us feel hungry,it will do what ever it needs to make us eat. It is marketing its need. Marketing is all about making the product look more attractive and thereby more appealing. It is our descretion to allow the marketing strategy to work or not.
There is word in sanskrit called ‘samskaras’. Samskaras are grooves and impressions of the mind. These samskaras are formed when certain thought waves become habitual. If we were to ignore these thought waves or ‘vrittis’, no patterns or impressions would be formed, but if we were to give in to our momentary pleasure, it would become a force in our life and a samskara would be formed. Once a samskara has been formed, it takes a huge effort to erase that particular impression.
Every time we give in to our desire a new brain pattern is formed and our desire becomes our necessity.
The cycle goes like this. Meal times- gherlin production increases, we get hungry we eat, but 90% of the time we over eat. Now our stomach and our brain has gotten used to eating more than we need and the groove/impression of the required amount of food has been formed. This generally happens during childhood. Often parents in their well meaning way force the children to eat more than they need . So now our gherlin production has increased and leptin ( the hormone that tells us we are full) has been slowed. It now takes a huge effort to retrain our brain and our stomach to go back to its original food requirement. Our ‘samskara’ for overeating has been formed.
Gherlin also activates the reward centre of the brain and indirectly adds to our pleasure, so if you read between the lines, it is not really the food that the brain is craving for, it is craving pleasure.
Now we understand why when we are emotionaly down we crave food. It’s the pleasure derived out of eating a high calorie food that we crave, so if it is pleasure that the body is craving, we need to look at what gives us pleasure.
Could alternative pleasure be an antidote to obesity? Could sex substitute food? What are the other activities that give pleasure? Going for movies, ( no popcorn and no sodas), spending an evening with friends, Indulging in your favorite pass time (other than eating), exercising, reading, etc. whatever brings pleasure to you will help you achieve your weight loss goal.
Find a passion . Get into the flow ( as mentioned by Mihaly Chikszentmihalyi). When one is in a state of flow, nothing else matters… so gherlin or no gherlin…you are always in control
luv/luck/happiness
Friday, June 20, 2008
just for fun!!!! ( laughter therapy)
1.. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair
Dryer At Passing Cars.. See If They Slow Down..
2.. Page Yourself Over The Intercom.. Don't Disguise Your Voice..
3.. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with
that..
4.. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In"..
5.. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over
Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso..
6.. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"..
7.. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy"..
8.. Don't use any punctuation..
9.. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk..
10.. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face..
11.. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go"..
12.. Sing Along At The Opera..
13.. Go To A Poetry Recital.. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14.. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All
Day..
15.. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
Because You're Not In the Mood..
16.. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom..
17.. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18.. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run
For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19.. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have
To Let One Of You Go.."
20.. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ....
Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile..>It's called................ Therapy
Dryer At Passing Cars.. See If They Slow Down..
2.. Page Yourself Over The Intercom.. Don't Disguise Your Voice..
3.. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with
that..
4.. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In"..
5.. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over
Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso..
6.. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"..
7.. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy"..
8.. Don't use any punctuation..
9.. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk..
10.. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face..
11.. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go"..
12.. Sing Along At The Opera..
13.. Go To A Poetry Recital.. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14.. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All
Day..
15.. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
Because You're Not In the Mood..
16.. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom..
17.. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18.. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run
For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19.. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have
To Let One Of You Go.."
20.. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ....
Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile..>It's called................ Therapy
The placebo effect
The following is an excerpt from an article in the Nexus magazine
The Placebo Effect: The Triumph of Mind Over Body By Peter Arguriou
One of the most commonly used terms in medical language is the word placebo. The placebo effect is used as a scale for evaluating the effectiveness of new drugs.
But what exactly is the placebo effect.
The placebo effect has been frequently abused by health professionals to denote and stigmatise a fraud or fallacy. Alternative therapies have often been characterised as merely placebos. But the placebo effect is not a fraudulent, useless or malevolent phenomenon. It occurs independently of the intentions of charlatans or health professionals. It is a spontaneous, authentic and very factual phenomenon that refers to well-observed but uninterpreted and contingent therapies or health improvements that occur in the absence of an active chemical/pharmacological substance.
Make-believe drugs -- drugs that carry no active chemical substances -- often act as the real drugs and provoke therapeutic effects when administered to patients.
In many drug trials, the manufacturers of the drug sadly discover that their product is in no way superior to the effect of a placebo. But that does not mean that a placebo equates to a null response of the human organism.
On the contrary, a placebo denotes non-chemical stimuli that strongly motivate the organism towards a therapeutic course. That is, the placebo effect is dependent not on the drug's effectiveness but solely on therapeutic intention and expectation.
Effects of positive and negative thinkingThe placebo effect has been often misunderstood as a solely psychological and highly subjective phenomenon. The patient, convinced of the therapy's effectiveness, ignores his symptoms or perceives them faintly without any substantial improvement of his health; that is, the patient feels better but is not healthier.
But can the subjective psychological aspect of the placebo effect account for all of its therapeutic properties?
The answer is definite: the placebo effect refers to an alternative curative mechanism that is inherent in the human entity, is motivated by therapeutic intention or belief in the therapeutic potential of a treatment, and implies biochemical responses and reactions to the stimulus of therapeutic intention or belief.
But placebos are not always beneficial: they can also have adverse effects.
In a related experiment, researchers falsely declared to the volunteers that a weak electrical current would pass through their head; although there was no electrical current, 70 per cent of the volunteers (who were medical students) complained of a headache after the experiment.
Positive or negative thinking seems to be a decisive risk factor for every treatment, perhaps even more important than medical intervention.
*****************************************************************************
The above article implies that our brain is a much stronger healer than any medicine.
The other day I saw on TV an advertisment for placebo's. A mother entrepreneur is now selling dummy pills for children as she saw her own children responding to placebos. Instead of overmedicating her children she would give them sweet pills and tell them it was medicine. Every time she saw favorable results. She has her fair share of skeptics, but she is going ahead with her launch.
The proof is in the pudding ......The very fact that placebos are successful even 50% of the time is proof enough that the human mind is all powerful.
The Placebo Effect: The Triumph of Mind Over Body By Peter Arguriou
One of the most commonly used terms in medical language is the word placebo. The placebo effect is used as a scale for evaluating the effectiveness of new drugs.
But what exactly is the placebo effect.
The placebo effect has been frequently abused by health professionals to denote and stigmatise a fraud or fallacy. Alternative therapies have often been characterised as merely placebos. But the placebo effect is not a fraudulent, useless or malevolent phenomenon. It occurs independently of the intentions of charlatans or health professionals. It is a spontaneous, authentic and very factual phenomenon that refers to well-observed but uninterpreted and contingent therapies or health improvements that occur in the absence of an active chemical/pharmacological substance.
Make-believe drugs -- drugs that carry no active chemical substances -- often act as the real drugs and provoke therapeutic effects when administered to patients.
In many drug trials, the manufacturers of the drug sadly discover that their product is in no way superior to the effect of a placebo. But that does not mean that a placebo equates to a null response of the human organism.
On the contrary, a placebo denotes non-chemical stimuli that strongly motivate the organism towards a therapeutic course. That is, the placebo effect is dependent not on the drug's effectiveness but solely on therapeutic intention and expectation.
Effects of positive and negative thinkingThe placebo effect has been often misunderstood as a solely psychological and highly subjective phenomenon. The patient, convinced of the therapy's effectiveness, ignores his symptoms or perceives them faintly without any substantial improvement of his health; that is, the patient feels better but is not healthier.
But can the subjective psychological aspect of the placebo effect account for all of its therapeutic properties?
The answer is definite: the placebo effect refers to an alternative curative mechanism that is inherent in the human entity, is motivated by therapeutic intention or belief in the therapeutic potential of a treatment, and implies biochemical responses and reactions to the stimulus of therapeutic intention or belief.
But placebos are not always beneficial: they can also have adverse effects.
In a related experiment, researchers falsely declared to the volunteers that a weak electrical current would pass through their head; although there was no electrical current, 70 per cent of the volunteers (who were medical students) complained of a headache after the experiment.
Positive or negative thinking seems to be a decisive risk factor for every treatment, perhaps even more important than medical intervention.
*****************************************************************************
The above article implies that our brain is a much stronger healer than any medicine.
The other day I saw on TV an advertisment for placebo's. A mother entrepreneur is now selling dummy pills for children as she saw her own children responding to placebos. Instead of overmedicating her children she would give them sweet pills and tell them it was medicine. Every time she saw favorable results. She has her fair share of skeptics, but she is going ahead with her launch.
The proof is in the pudding ......The very fact that placebos are successful even 50% of the time is proof enough that the human mind is all powerful.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Appreciate!! (sent by a friend)
Appreciate
The aim of life is appreciation;
there is no sense in not appreciating things;
and there is no sense in having more
of them if you have less appreciation of them
Gilbert K Chesterton
Feeling grateful or appreciative of
someone or something in your life
actually attracts more of the things
that you appreciate and value into your life
Northrup Christiane
Appreciate the good things
The sunshine feels so much warmer
after weeks of rainy days
Your loved ones seem so much more
precious whenever they've been away
You truly appreciate and value your
good health after recovering from a
difficult and prolonged illness
You learn new respect for financial discipline
after working your way out of a burdensome debt
It's easy and natural to appreciate the good things
after you've experienced life without them
Yet sadly, that can often be too late
How much better it is to appreciate
the good things you have while you still have them
For then, not only can you appreciate them,
you can put them to positive and productive use
So begin each day by counting your many blessings
Pay particular attention to the ones that are so much
a part of you that you might otherwise take them for granted.
True abundance and gratitude are solidly linked
The more you appreciate the good things,
the more numerous they will be
Ralph Marston
Appreciative words are the most
powerful force for good on earth!
George W Crane
To appreciate heaven well,
it's good for a person to have
some fifteen minutes of hell
Will Carleton
~This posting created with love by~
AlwaysLove4U
The aim of life is appreciation;
there is no sense in not appreciating things;
and there is no sense in having more
of them if you have less appreciation of them
Gilbert K Chesterton
Feeling grateful or appreciative of
someone or something in your life
actually attracts more of the things
that you appreciate and value into your life
Northrup Christiane
Appreciate the good things
The sunshine feels so much warmer
after weeks of rainy days
Your loved ones seem so much more
precious whenever they've been away
You truly appreciate and value your
good health after recovering from a
difficult and prolonged illness
You learn new respect for financial discipline
after working your way out of a burdensome debt
It's easy and natural to appreciate the good things
after you've experienced life without them
Yet sadly, that can often be too late
How much better it is to appreciate
the good things you have while you still have them
For then, not only can you appreciate them,
you can put them to positive and productive use
So begin each day by counting your many blessings
Pay particular attention to the ones that are so much
a part of you that you might otherwise take them for granted.
True abundance and gratitude are solidly linked
The more you appreciate the good things,
the more numerous they will be
Ralph Marston
Appreciative words are the most
powerful force for good on earth!
George W Crane
To appreciate heaven well,
it's good for a person to have
some fifteen minutes of hell
Will Carleton
~This posting created with love by~
AlwaysLove4U
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Epicurean Pleasures
I think I was about 10 years old when I saw the word Epicurean. I had no clue what it meant, but I liked the sound of it. I underlined it and promised myself to refer to the dictionary and find its meaning. As any 10 year old, I forgot to do that as other more pressing things such as playing with friends took precedence.
After about a year I saw the book again and flipping through it, saw my underlined words, and Epicurean leapt right out at me. This time the dictionary was handy. It defined the word, Epicurean as ‘someone fond of luxury and sensuous pleasure, especially that of eating and drinking’. A follower of Epicurus or his philosophy.
Wow, now I really liked the word. I liked the sound of it and I liked the meaning of it. I decided to become an Epicurean. I still had no clue who Epicurus was and what his philosophy was? But I liked the fact that he liked drinking, eating and having fun. This became my mantra. “Eat Drink and be Merry”. Whenever my mother summoned me to do homework, I would say, “Mum don’t you know that the great Greek philosopher Epicurus has found the elixir of happiness to be food, drink and fun”. My argument never did hold ground and I still had to do my homework….
How grateful I am to my mother, that she did not let me indulge in my Epicurean pleasures and forced me to go and do my homework. Had it not been for her, I would not be here sharing my real Epicurean insights with you.
Epicurus (341-270BC) was born to a poor Athenian colonist in Samos; he was neither wealthy nor aristocratic and apparently suffered from ill health for much of his life. He ate and drank sparingly and spent most of his time philosophizing from his hammock. The humble, quite and reticent Epicurus would be distraught at the connotation that his name suggests.
Epicurus was not a man of spiritual beliefs. He led a contemplative life and was extremely rational. He believed in the idea that the soul was itself nothing but the movement of atoms in the material body and some atoms could freely swerve in the void. This theory of his allowed him to maintain the concept of human free will.
The religious leaders of the day did not like the idea of human free will and thought that his philosophy was tainted with atheism and thereby preached hedonism and pleasure. Lack of religiosity and his defiance to gods who he felt were more interested in the pursuit of their own pleasure made his teachings rather contradictory.
According to Epicurus, real happiness lies in the elimination of pain, both mental and physical. Of the two, Epicurus taught that mental pain was worse than physical pain as the severest of physical pains can either be controlled or it results in death. Mental anguish on the other hand, in the form of anxiety and fears, if not checked would result in distraction, depression and other psychological ills.
He never promoted or condoned a promiscuous or a decadent lifestyle, on the contrary he was aware that many of the bodily pleasures brought with them pain or had painful consequences. (Think hang over, broken hearts, upset stomach!!!!)
What really is Epicurus’es Philosophy of Happiness?
As mentioned by Alain-De Botton (a modern day Philosopher), it is friends, freedom and an analyzed life. Although Epicurus did promote the pursuit of pleasure, but pleasure according to him was moderation, introspection and the avoidance of pain.
In his introduction to The Epicurus Reader, D. S. Hutchinson summed up the on-going significance of Epicureanism:
“Epicurus developed a system of philosophy and a way of living that deserve our respect and understanding, perhaps even our allegiance. This way of living claimed many thousands of committed followers, all over the ancient Mediterranean world, in cooperative communities that lasted for hundreds of years. But from the very beginning of his teaching mission, his message was opposed and distorted, first by academic philosophers and political authorities, and later by Christians. Epicureans apparently almost never switched their allegiance to other philosophical systems, whereas other schools regularly lost students to the Epicureans. Why? Perhaps because the Epicureans found that their system made excellent sense. But the explanation offered by Arcesilaus, Epicurus' rival, is typically dismissive: ‘You can turn a man into a eunuch, but you can't turn a eunuch into a man.’ Even in modern times, the critics of Epicureanism continue to misrepresent it as a lazy-minded, shallow, pleasure-loving, immoral, or godless travesty of real philosophy. In our day the word ‘epicureanism’ has come to mean its opposite—a pretentious enthusiasm for rare and expensive food and drink. Please have the courage to ignore two thousand years of negative prejudice, and assess this philosophy on its own considerable merits.”
So if you really want to be happy- go out with some friends, have a simple meal with moderate amounts of wine and discuss the various ways to make this world a better place.
So has my Epicurean dream of self indulgence been shattered?
Not at all! In fact now that I understand the real meaning of being an Epicurean, I am even more proud to be one.
By all means go and pursue pleasure, but before that, at least try and understand what real pleasure is?
Luv/luck/happiness
If you really want to know more about Epicurean Philosophy, please visit www.epicurus.net)
After about a year I saw the book again and flipping through it, saw my underlined words, and Epicurean leapt right out at me. This time the dictionary was handy. It defined the word, Epicurean as ‘someone fond of luxury and sensuous pleasure, especially that of eating and drinking’. A follower of Epicurus or his philosophy.
Wow, now I really liked the word. I liked the sound of it and I liked the meaning of it. I decided to become an Epicurean. I still had no clue who Epicurus was and what his philosophy was? But I liked the fact that he liked drinking, eating and having fun. This became my mantra. “Eat Drink and be Merry”. Whenever my mother summoned me to do homework, I would say, “Mum don’t you know that the great Greek philosopher Epicurus has found the elixir of happiness to be food, drink and fun”. My argument never did hold ground and I still had to do my homework….
How grateful I am to my mother, that she did not let me indulge in my Epicurean pleasures and forced me to go and do my homework. Had it not been for her, I would not be here sharing my real Epicurean insights with you.
Epicurus (341-270BC) was born to a poor Athenian colonist in Samos; he was neither wealthy nor aristocratic and apparently suffered from ill health for much of his life. He ate and drank sparingly and spent most of his time philosophizing from his hammock. The humble, quite and reticent Epicurus would be distraught at the connotation that his name suggests.
Epicurus was not a man of spiritual beliefs. He led a contemplative life and was extremely rational. He believed in the idea that the soul was itself nothing but the movement of atoms in the material body and some atoms could freely swerve in the void. This theory of his allowed him to maintain the concept of human free will.
The religious leaders of the day did not like the idea of human free will and thought that his philosophy was tainted with atheism and thereby preached hedonism and pleasure. Lack of religiosity and his defiance to gods who he felt were more interested in the pursuit of their own pleasure made his teachings rather contradictory.
According to Epicurus, real happiness lies in the elimination of pain, both mental and physical. Of the two, Epicurus taught that mental pain was worse than physical pain as the severest of physical pains can either be controlled or it results in death. Mental anguish on the other hand, in the form of anxiety and fears, if not checked would result in distraction, depression and other psychological ills.
He never promoted or condoned a promiscuous or a decadent lifestyle, on the contrary he was aware that many of the bodily pleasures brought with them pain or had painful consequences. (Think hang over, broken hearts, upset stomach!!!!)
What really is Epicurus’es Philosophy of Happiness?
As mentioned by Alain-De Botton (a modern day Philosopher), it is friends, freedom and an analyzed life. Although Epicurus did promote the pursuit of pleasure, but pleasure according to him was moderation, introspection and the avoidance of pain.
In his introduction to The Epicurus Reader, D. S. Hutchinson summed up the on-going significance of Epicureanism:
“Epicurus developed a system of philosophy and a way of living that deserve our respect and understanding, perhaps even our allegiance. This way of living claimed many thousands of committed followers, all over the ancient Mediterranean world, in cooperative communities that lasted for hundreds of years. But from the very beginning of his teaching mission, his message was opposed and distorted, first by academic philosophers and political authorities, and later by Christians. Epicureans apparently almost never switched their allegiance to other philosophical systems, whereas other schools regularly lost students to the Epicureans. Why? Perhaps because the Epicureans found that their system made excellent sense. But the explanation offered by Arcesilaus, Epicurus' rival, is typically dismissive: ‘You can turn a man into a eunuch, but you can't turn a eunuch into a man.’ Even in modern times, the critics of Epicureanism continue to misrepresent it as a lazy-minded, shallow, pleasure-loving, immoral, or godless travesty of real philosophy. In our day the word ‘epicureanism’ has come to mean its opposite—a pretentious enthusiasm for rare and expensive food and drink. Please have the courage to ignore two thousand years of negative prejudice, and assess this philosophy on its own considerable merits.”
So if you really want to be happy- go out with some friends, have a simple meal with moderate amounts of wine and discuss the various ways to make this world a better place.
So has my Epicurean dream of self indulgence been shattered?
Not at all! In fact now that I understand the real meaning of being an Epicurean, I am even more proud to be one.
By all means go and pursue pleasure, but before that, at least try and understand what real pleasure is?
Luv/luck/happiness
If you really want to know more about Epicurean Philosophy, please visit www.epicurus.net)
Monday, June 16, 2008
Self Deprecation
Why, when someone gives us a compliment do we try to dilute its intensity and beauty by offering a counter statement. We start to justify our good fortune by denying any self effort, even though on the inside we know that it was our hard work and our sheer persistence that brought about the desired result. Why then this unease when we should be proud of our achievements?
I recently met a very attractive and talented Thai lady who works part time at my daughter’s school. Her job is to make sure that no body leaves the school gates or gets hurt during lunch time. It’s not a challenging job, but keeps her busy. We got chatting and I asked her why she did not apply for a better position in the school. She immediately started to run herself down, talking about her poor command of the English language. Her lack of education, her lack of confidence, her lack of self esteem and everything else that she could think of that would disqualify her from getting a better position. Not once did she say anything that was self promoting.
My mother was the same; she would constantly berate herself and even consider herself incapable of learning. She was afraid to try anything new because she was convinced she would fail. In my mother’s case, it was her parents who always told her how incapable she was. She was made to believe that she was good for nothing and anything that she did was not worth kudos. It really was not even my grandparents fault; it was just the way they had been brought up. Open affection and open praise were considered to be a signs of weakness. The prevailing notion of those days was the use of negative reinforcement to achieve desired behavior, so instead of praise one was always belittled and in some perverse and twisted way encouraged to perform better.
This erstwhile way of upbringing seems to have left indelible marks on our psyche. Although today, open praise, affection, self love and appreciation are encouraged, I am amazed to find so many people who constantly run themselves down.
Another friend of mine, who is extremely attractive, but considers herself to be a bit on the plus side, immediately, starts to talk about her weight and how she has put on a few extra pounds. When I met her recently and complimented her on how good she looked, she immediately went into denial by commenting on how fat she had become and how terrible she looked. My compliment was genuine, and her denial at the acceptance of the compliment was equally genuine.
All of us at some time or other have been guilty of self flagellation and self deprecation. A few months ago I too fell into the same trap. I had gained a few pounds and as soon as I would meet someone I had not met for a while, I would immediately comment on my weight gain and start to berate myself for having indulged in my epicurean desires. Before they could have a chance to comment on how I looked, I would go into this mode whereby I would start to make fun of myself and my body.
Why do we constantly berate ourselves? Why do we find it so hard to receive compliments? Why are we so judgmental of ourselves?
I think it’s in self defense, or a sub conscious desire for acceptance in the way that our friends will say that our negative image is just in our heads and that we are not really that fat or ugly or stupid. I’d rather call myself stupid and fat before someone else does!!
Most of us have grown up thinking self deprecation is a healthy way of accepting ourselves and subconsciously it has been drilled in our heads that it is better to be humble than to be arrogant. Humility is a wonderful quality, but humility does not need to translate into self flagellation and self deprecation. Why then this negative self talk and self abuse.
It has now been proven scientifically that we are the product of our most dominant thought. Just as music from the radio is a physical manifestation of an intangible signal, our physical being is the tangible reality of our thoughts. Our thoughts and emotions have a vibratory frequency and that frequency shapes our reality.
Constant self deprecation, whether in jest or in sincerity eventually creates our reality. Our subconscious registers even what our conscious brain rejects or denies, so when we say that we are fat and stupid, in jest and in a way to elicit a positive response from our friends, our subconscious registers that as the truth and makes it our reality.
By no means am I saying that we should walk around claiming how wonderful, beautiful and intelligent we are. Our collective consciousness has been so methodically hypnotized into believing that self deprecation is better than self promotion that when we meet someone who is confident and sure we immediately label them as cocky, arrogant and full of themselves.
The world at large always makes us feel small, so why do we need to make ourselves even smaller. If not in public at least in private make it a habit of praising yourself, your body and your intelligence for having supported you this far.
Yes, humility is a wonderful quality and we should all adhere to it, but humility definitely does not have to regress into self abuse. Being humble means accepting of our limitations, not enhancing or promoting them.
Next time, try and observe how many times you say something negative about yourself? Put away a dollar for every time you say something negative or uncomplimentary about yourself or your situation, I can bet you will have enough money collected for a movie and dinner! Mine was more than enough!!
Science is now able to even prove that our emotions and feelings directly affect the structure of our DNA, so the more negative your self-image and your image of the world, your DNA will configure itself in such a way that it will reinforce that particular self belief.
Ever notice how lucky people always seem to attract good luck and vice versa. A lucky person believes himself or herself to be lucky and thereby attracts even more good luck because of the vibratory frequency that he/she is emanating and on the other hand a person who deems himself/herself to be unlucky vibrates to a lower frequency and attracts similar circumstances.
So starting today; make a promise to yourself that you will rise in love and humility and not stoop in fear and self deprecation.
Luv/luck/happiness
Monday, May 19, 2008
Does Happiness rub off? Can it be transfused from one to the other? Can simply sitting next to Mr. Happy make me the happiest woman on the plane?
I had just attended a three day convention in Sydney on “Happiness and its causes”. I was pretty much saturated with my quota of happiness as I’d had the wonderful opportunity to hear some of the present day great minds like Dr. Richard Davidson- Vilas Professor of Psychology and psychiatry - University of Wisconsin- USA, Matthieu Ricard- Bestselling Author and interpreter for Dalai Lama, also titled the happiest man today, Dr. Martin Seligman- Father of positive Psychology and also a bestselling author of books like Learned Optimism, Authentic happiness, Dr, Tal Ben -Shahar - bestselling author of Happier and the most popular lecturer at Harvard University, Prof Daniel Gilbert- Professor of psychology Harvard University, Jon Konrads, Olympic Champion swimmer and many others.
My brain and my work book were full of all the tools needed to lead a fulfilling and a happy life. I was reminiscing about my three day happiness workshop and checking in for my flight back to HKG from Sydney. As I am checking in I spot Mr. Happy , the familiar face in orange and maroon robe walking away from the check in counter. I quickly ask Sue- the check in lady at Cathay Pacific if Matthieu Ricard had checked in for the same flight? She responds in the affirmative and I quickly ask if I can have the seat next to him?
Unfortunately the seat next to him is taken, so she does the next best thing, she gives me a seat and blocks the seat next to me so that if I get a chance I can ask him to sit next to me. I am very happy indeed! The prospect of sitting next to Mr. Happy for 8 to 9 hours is something that made me extremely happy !!!
I quickly go through immigration and wait for Mr. Happy to show up. As he approaches the aircraft gate, I casually walk towards him to introduce myself, but to my surprise and happiness he actually recognizes me and agrees to sit next to me for the duration of the flight.
Wow! I was in heaven, People had to wait in line just to have a few words with him at the seminar and here I was, going to sit next to him for a full 9 hours. My brain went into overdrive. I could not contain my excitement and I think it spilled over and I was so obviously smitten that Matthieu quickly told me that he would sleep for a few hours and work and meditate for a couple and in between try and answer my questions .
I had to contend with what was on offer. Anything would be better than nothing? I quickly pretended to busy myself with reading and writing about my experience at the “happiness seminar”. I think years of meditation practice had made Matthieu some kind of mind reader. He quickly gathered that I was in an extremely inquisitive state and agreed to answer any questions that I may have.
My first question to him was the most obvious, I asked him what he meant by happiness?
His response in his own writing ( I have it in my book). “Happiness is not simply a succession of pleasant experiences . It is an exceptionally healthy way of being, which pervades all emotional states and gives you the resources to deal with whatever comes your way. Genuine happiness or well being is made of a cluster of inner qualities such as altruistic love; compassion; inner freedom; inner peace and inner strength; that can be cultivated as skills. Rather than being vulnerable to outer circumstances, these qualities give you the capacity to deal with them even in the face of sad events, of the suffering of others, a sense of meaning , determination and the wish to be alive which all are a part of the deepest respect of a constructive way of being. The mind is malleable, Our life can be greatly transformed by even a minimal change in how we manage our thoughts and perceive and interpret the world. Happiness is a skill. It requires effort and time."
Am I glad he wrote the above and not just say it? There is no way I could have remembered all this to put it down during my writing. Now that I read it, it seems far too complicated for a philistine like me. In a nut shell, I think what he is saying is, that to be happy, we need to be kind, compassionate , altruistic and not confuse momentary pleasure with lasting happiness. Our brain is very malleable and with a little practice and effort we can all choose happiness over misery.
He is a living proof of all the above qualities. As a young man, Matthieu Ricard, was regarded as one of the most promising biologists of his generation. He completed a PhD at the Institut Pasteur under the supervision of Nobel prize-winner François Jacob, but abandoned his scientific career in 1972. He told me that at age 20 he started getting interested in different kinds of meditation and decided to go to Darjeeling in India. There, he devoted himself to studying under Kangyur Rinpoche, a Tibetan master in the Nyingma tradition: the most ancient school of Buddhism. Then at the age of 26 he decided to become a monk and has since devoted his life for all sorts of altruistic causes.
He was leading a very simple life when he was approached by a publisher who asked him if he would agree to a book which would involve a dialogue between him and his agnostic father who was also renowned philosopher. The book got written and published under the title of “ The Monk and the Philosopher”. It became a huge success and overnight Mattheiu Ricard became a very public figure . There was huge media coverage and suddenly the reclusive monk had become a celebrity. This new found fame however reinforced his view of the transitory nature of fame and the ephemeralness of being a celebrant. His overnight success left him even more convinced that inner happiness lay in keeping the mind calm and not letting it get affected by outward fame and fortune.
He received over a million dollars in book royalty and since he had agreed to the vows of monk hood he did the best thing he could think of with the money. He started a foundation called Karuna – that carries out humanitarian and educational projects in Asia. He now devotes a lot of his time raising awareness towards happiness and the plight of people in Tibet, Nepal and India. He has a fair share of skeptics , but I was definitely not one of them. Ever since I had heard him speak on TED.com, I had become a fan and a believer in happiness being a skill and a habit.
Given this wonderful opportunity , I was not going to let it pass me by.
My next question to him was regarding having negative or fearful thoughts about your loved ones. I had been experiencing a horrible feeling whereby I would imagine all kind of horrible things happening to my child. I was getting extremely upset and worked up about these thoughts. I put forward my concern and he gave me a wonderful exercise to get rid of these thoughts. But before that he had already put me at ease by saying that I was not alone in this kind of thinking and that many parents experienced this kind of dreadful thoughts and that it was a fairly common phenomenon.
He asked me to do the following meditation exercise:
Begin by generating a powerful feeling of warmth, loving –kindness for all beings. Then imagine the negative thoughts as a black ball in your hand, let this ball grow with all the negativity and the pain associated with your feelings. Inhale this black ball but at the same time visualize your heart as a bright luminous sphere of light that will dissolve all the blackness associated with the negativity. Imagine that you are taking in all the fear and the hurt of the your loved ones and giving out loving and positive energy. This will transform all the fear into hope and suffering into rejoicing . We can do this exercise regularly , even for the world at large. To this my immediate response was, why would I like to take on the suffering of the world? His response- You are not taking upon yourself the suffering, but helping to dissipate the suffering by generating positive energy. It’s like adding one pinch of salt into a huge bucket of water. Even though we add the salt, the water does not really change as the amount of salt is negligible compared to the amount of water. We have to imagine our hearts as huge containers of love and compassion that will easily be able to dissolve in any kind of ill feeling. The bigger we allow our hearts to be the bigger we will become. This meditation is called the meditation of “Giving and taking” you are taking in the suffering and giving out blessings, but in the taking of suffering you are actually getting a whole lot of blessings. Sounds like a paradox ,doesn’t it? But I guess he knows what he is talking about. After all, clinical tests have proven that he is the happiest and the most compassionate man alive.
My next question to him was If he did any kind of exercise ? After all there is proof that a healthy mind needs a healthy body.
His response did not shock me. Here was a man who had meditated over 100,000 hours and had done over 1000,000 prostrations.
In a Prostration you bring your hands together in the 'lotus bud' mudra (the base of the palm and the fingertips together, and thumbs slightly tucked in) and place them on the crown of the head, then to the throat and heart. The actual prostration is performed by dropping the body forward and stretching it full length on the floor, the arms outstretched in front.... Again, with hands in the lotus bud mudra, bend your arms back and touch your hands to the top of your head. Then stretch your arms out once more and push yourself up.... Bring your hands into the lotus bud mudra for the third time and touch your heart in a gesture of reverence. Then, with a smooth motion, bring your hands to your crown and perform the next prostration…..”
It sounds difficult and it looks difficult , but apparently once you start it becomes easier ( as does everything in life). Prostrations are seen as a means of purifying one’s body, speech and mind of karmic defilements . The 5 fingers represent the purification of 5 mental prisons of hatred, craving, ignorance, arrogance and jealousy.
To bow is a way of learning humility and when we are humble, our mind is empty and so we can awaken the Buddha Nature within us.
As I mentioned before, good for the mind- good for the body! Have you ever seen a fat Buddhist monk? Try doing even one prostration and you will know what I mean. It gives the tightest abdominal muscles ever seen and along with that add the control of the breathing and you will be smiling all the way to the swimming pool showing of the perfect body holding the perfect mind!!
For those of you who want to learn, Go to you tube and search Buddhist Prostration.
My trip was going extremely well. It was the most informative and enlightening trip, but the question was would I be a happier person tomorrow? Would sitting next to the happiest man rub off on to me and lead me down the road to life of bliss and fulfillment? Would I suddenly wake up and find the world a beautiful place devoid of pain and suffering? Possibly not, but then it is not about changing the world, it is all about changing our perspective of the world. According to Mr. Happy we incur suffering but we create unhappiness. Changing the way we think and experience emotions leads to a change in moods and to lasting transformation. But this does not happen overnight. I will most certainly not become Miss Happy, but with regular practice and concerted effort it would be more than a possibility.
After all I had spent the last three days in the company of some extremely enlightened and happy individuals. There were definitely some things I should have gathered from my immersion in Happiness and it causes. So in a nutshell: The pre requisites to Happiness
Be kind and generous: even to those you think do not deserve your kindness and generosity. According to Tenzin Palmo – Founder of Dongyu Gatsai Ling Nunnery, India – It is very easy for us to be kind and loving towards a kind and loving person, but the true test of kindness and generosity is when we love those we think are unlovable!!!
Spend Time with Nature: Go for long walks, either in the hills or by the ocean, into the wilderness or wherever you will be one with nature. Nature in its entirety is free for all and it makes us realize that the best things in life are free. The air that we breathe, the scenery that we take in the sunsets and the sunrise are all there for us to partake.
Exercise at least 5 times a week: According to Tal Ben Shahar , a study conducted on depressed people found out that the most beneficial antidote for depression was exerise. Infact he even went on to say that not exercising was like taking a daily depressant. So get your running shoes out and get on that tread mill or if you want to kill two birds with one stone, go for a run in the park.
Show Gratitude and write every night 5 things that you are grateful for: One of the simplest and yet the most beneficial exercise towards happiness is that of writing a gratitude journal . Most of the speakers at the convention talked about the benefits of gratitude. If we are grateful for what we have, we are given more reasons to be grateful for. So go get your pens and note books out and start writing how grateful you are for having a friend like me!!!!!
Practice altruism and unconditional love: The other most talked about topic towards attaining bliss and happiness is the practice of altruism. Altruism does not necessarily mean giving money to charity. Sometimes it is more about sharing your love and kindness. Sharing a skill that you may have? Sharing a smile with a stranger, helping someone without an expectation of returned favor. Sharing your time and your happiness can also be viewed as an act of altruism.
Start meditation practice: Apparently one needs to practice meditation for over 100,000 hours to reach a state of bliss and happiness. But it has been proven in the laboratory that even starting with 5-15 minutes a day has a discernible effect on the cortex of the brain and leads to happier, more productive and more fulfilling lives.
Listen to soothing music: There is after all some truth in the Mozart effect. Calm soothing music is associated with the same kind of brain activity as meditation but at a much smaller scale. So although meditation is the best exercise for the brain, practicing mindfulness in all that we do and listening to calm and soothing music plays has an uplifting effect on the brain.
Start focusing on the good in people : The more we focus on the good in people the more we find it. It is true that till we start looking for something we will definitely not find it. Every so often we are so engrossed in our lives that we fail to appreciate the people around us. Take a moment to appreciate each other and revel in each other goodness.
Start or join a laughter club: We all know that laughter makes us feel good. A regular 20 minute laughter session can have a profound impact on our health and wellbeing. Laughter is gentle exercise. It fills your lungs and body with oxygen, deep-clears your breathing passages and exercises your lungs. When we laugh our bodies release a cocktail of hormones & chemicals that have startling positive effects on our system. Stress is reduced, blood pressure drops, depression is lifted, your immune system is boosted & more. So go out and start laughing your head off.
So , thanks to Mr. Happy I hope I have been able to point you towards some happiness .
Love/luck/happines.
I had just attended a three day convention in Sydney on “Happiness and its causes”. I was pretty much saturated with my quota of happiness as I’d had the wonderful opportunity to hear some of the present day great minds like Dr. Richard Davidson- Vilas Professor of Psychology and psychiatry - University of Wisconsin- USA, Matthieu Ricard- Bestselling Author and interpreter for Dalai Lama, also titled the happiest man today, Dr. Martin Seligman- Father of positive Psychology and also a bestselling author of books like Learned Optimism, Authentic happiness, Dr, Tal Ben -Shahar - bestselling author of Happier and the most popular lecturer at Harvard University, Prof Daniel Gilbert- Professor of psychology Harvard University, Jon Konrads, Olympic Champion swimmer and many others.
My brain and my work book were full of all the tools needed to lead a fulfilling and a happy life. I was reminiscing about my three day happiness workshop and checking in for my flight back to HKG from Sydney. As I am checking in I spot Mr. Happy , the familiar face in orange and maroon robe walking away from the check in counter. I quickly ask Sue- the check in lady at Cathay Pacific if Matthieu Ricard had checked in for the same flight? She responds in the affirmative and I quickly ask if I can have the seat next to him?
Unfortunately the seat next to him is taken, so she does the next best thing, she gives me a seat and blocks the seat next to me so that if I get a chance I can ask him to sit next to me. I am very happy indeed! The prospect of sitting next to Mr. Happy for 8 to 9 hours is something that made me extremely happy !!!
I quickly go through immigration and wait for Mr. Happy to show up. As he approaches the aircraft gate, I casually walk towards him to introduce myself, but to my surprise and happiness he actually recognizes me and agrees to sit next to me for the duration of the flight.
Wow! I was in heaven, People had to wait in line just to have a few words with him at the seminar and here I was, going to sit next to him for a full 9 hours. My brain went into overdrive. I could not contain my excitement and I think it spilled over and I was so obviously smitten that Matthieu quickly told me that he would sleep for a few hours and work and meditate for a couple and in between try and answer my questions .
I had to contend with what was on offer. Anything would be better than nothing? I quickly pretended to busy myself with reading and writing about my experience at the “happiness seminar”. I think years of meditation practice had made Matthieu some kind of mind reader. He quickly gathered that I was in an extremely inquisitive state and agreed to answer any questions that I may have.
My first question to him was the most obvious, I asked him what he meant by happiness?
His response in his own writing ( I have it in my book). “Happiness is not simply a succession of pleasant experiences . It is an exceptionally healthy way of being, which pervades all emotional states and gives you the resources to deal with whatever comes your way. Genuine happiness or well being is made of a cluster of inner qualities such as altruistic love; compassion; inner freedom; inner peace and inner strength; that can be cultivated as skills. Rather than being vulnerable to outer circumstances, these qualities give you the capacity to deal with them even in the face of sad events, of the suffering of others, a sense of meaning , determination and the wish to be alive which all are a part of the deepest respect of a constructive way of being. The mind is malleable, Our life can be greatly transformed by even a minimal change in how we manage our thoughts and perceive and interpret the world. Happiness is a skill. It requires effort and time."
Am I glad he wrote the above and not just say it? There is no way I could have remembered all this to put it down during my writing. Now that I read it, it seems far too complicated for a philistine like me. In a nut shell, I think what he is saying is, that to be happy, we need to be kind, compassionate , altruistic and not confuse momentary pleasure with lasting happiness. Our brain is very malleable and with a little practice and effort we can all choose happiness over misery.
He is a living proof of all the above qualities. As a young man, Matthieu Ricard, was regarded as one of the most promising biologists of his generation. He completed a PhD at the Institut Pasteur under the supervision of Nobel prize-winner François Jacob, but abandoned his scientific career in 1972. He told me that at age 20 he started getting interested in different kinds of meditation and decided to go to Darjeeling in India. There, he devoted himself to studying under Kangyur Rinpoche, a Tibetan master in the Nyingma tradition: the most ancient school of Buddhism. Then at the age of 26 he decided to become a monk and has since devoted his life for all sorts of altruistic causes.
He was leading a very simple life when he was approached by a publisher who asked him if he would agree to a book which would involve a dialogue between him and his agnostic father who was also renowned philosopher. The book got written and published under the title of “ The Monk and the Philosopher”. It became a huge success and overnight Mattheiu Ricard became a very public figure . There was huge media coverage and suddenly the reclusive monk had become a celebrity. This new found fame however reinforced his view of the transitory nature of fame and the ephemeralness of being a celebrant. His overnight success left him even more convinced that inner happiness lay in keeping the mind calm and not letting it get affected by outward fame and fortune.
He received over a million dollars in book royalty and since he had agreed to the vows of monk hood he did the best thing he could think of with the money. He started a foundation called Karuna – that carries out humanitarian and educational projects in Asia. He now devotes a lot of his time raising awareness towards happiness and the plight of people in Tibet, Nepal and India. He has a fair share of skeptics , but I was definitely not one of them. Ever since I had heard him speak on TED.com, I had become a fan and a believer in happiness being a skill and a habit.
Given this wonderful opportunity , I was not going to let it pass me by.
My next question to him was regarding having negative or fearful thoughts about your loved ones. I had been experiencing a horrible feeling whereby I would imagine all kind of horrible things happening to my child. I was getting extremely upset and worked up about these thoughts. I put forward my concern and he gave me a wonderful exercise to get rid of these thoughts. But before that he had already put me at ease by saying that I was not alone in this kind of thinking and that many parents experienced this kind of dreadful thoughts and that it was a fairly common phenomenon.
He asked me to do the following meditation exercise:
Begin by generating a powerful feeling of warmth, loving –kindness for all beings. Then imagine the negative thoughts as a black ball in your hand, let this ball grow with all the negativity and the pain associated with your feelings. Inhale this black ball but at the same time visualize your heart as a bright luminous sphere of light that will dissolve all the blackness associated with the negativity. Imagine that you are taking in all the fear and the hurt of the your loved ones and giving out loving and positive energy. This will transform all the fear into hope and suffering into rejoicing . We can do this exercise regularly , even for the world at large. To this my immediate response was, why would I like to take on the suffering of the world? His response- You are not taking upon yourself the suffering, but helping to dissipate the suffering by generating positive energy. It’s like adding one pinch of salt into a huge bucket of water. Even though we add the salt, the water does not really change as the amount of salt is negligible compared to the amount of water. We have to imagine our hearts as huge containers of love and compassion that will easily be able to dissolve in any kind of ill feeling. The bigger we allow our hearts to be the bigger we will become. This meditation is called the meditation of “Giving and taking” you are taking in the suffering and giving out blessings, but in the taking of suffering you are actually getting a whole lot of blessings. Sounds like a paradox ,doesn’t it? But I guess he knows what he is talking about. After all, clinical tests have proven that he is the happiest and the most compassionate man alive.
My next question to him was If he did any kind of exercise ? After all there is proof that a healthy mind needs a healthy body.
His response did not shock me. Here was a man who had meditated over 100,000 hours and had done over 1000,000 prostrations.
In a Prostration you bring your hands together in the 'lotus bud' mudra (the base of the palm and the fingertips together, and thumbs slightly tucked in) and place them on the crown of the head, then to the throat and heart. The actual prostration is performed by dropping the body forward and stretching it full length on the floor, the arms outstretched in front.... Again, with hands in the lotus bud mudra, bend your arms back and touch your hands to the top of your head. Then stretch your arms out once more and push yourself up.... Bring your hands into the lotus bud mudra for the third time and touch your heart in a gesture of reverence. Then, with a smooth motion, bring your hands to your crown and perform the next prostration…..”
It sounds difficult and it looks difficult , but apparently once you start it becomes easier ( as does everything in life). Prostrations are seen as a means of purifying one’s body, speech and mind of karmic defilements . The 5 fingers represent the purification of 5 mental prisons of hatred, craving, ignorance, arrogance and jealousy.
To bow is a way of learning humility and when we are humble, our mind is empty and so we can awaken the Buddha Nature within us.
As I mentioned before, good for the mind- good for the body! Have you ever seen a fat Buddhist monk? Try doing even one prostration and you will know what I mean. It gives the tightest abdominal muscles ever seen and along with that add the control of the breathing and you will be smiling all the way to the swimming pool showing of the perfect body holding the perfect mind!!
For those of you who want to learn, Go to you tube and search Buddhist Prostration.
My trip was going extremely well. It was the most informative and enlightening trip, but the question was would I be a happier person tomorrow? Would sitting next to the happiest man rub off on to me and lead me down the road to life of bliss and fulfillment? Would I suddenly wake up and find the world a beautiful place devoid of pain and suffering? Possibly not, but then it is not about changing the world, it is all about changing our perspective of the world. According to Mr. Happy we incur suffering but we create unhappiness. Changing the way we think and experience emotions leads to a change in moods and to lasting transformation. But this does not happen overnight. I will most certainly not become Miss Happy, but with regular practice and concerted effort it would be more than a possibility.
After all I had spent the last three days in the company of some extremely enlightened and happy individuals. There were definitely some things I should have gathered from my immersion in Happiness and it causes. So in a nutshell: The pre requisites to Happiness
Be kind and generous: even to those you think do not deserve your kindness and generosity. According to Tenzin Palmo – Founder of Dongyu Gatsai Ling Nunnery, India – It is very easy for us to be kind and loving towards a kind and loving person, but the true test of kindness and generosity is when we love those we think are unlovable!!!
Spend Time with Nature: Go for long walks, either in the hills or by the ocean, into the wilderness or wherever you will be one with nature. Nature in its entirety is free for all and it makes us realize that the best things in life are free. The air that we breathe, the scenery that we take in the sunsets and the sunrise are all there for us to partake.
Exercise at least 5 times a week: According to Tal Ben Shahar , a study conducted on depressed people found out that the most beneficial antidote for depression was exerise. Infact he even went on to say that not exercising was like taking a daily depressant. So get your running shoes out and get on that tread mill or if you want to kill two birds with one stone, go for a run in the park.
Show Gratitude and write every night 5 things that you are grateful for: One of the simplest and yet the most beneficial exercise towards happiness is that of writing a gratitude journal . Most of the speakers at the convention talked about the benefits of gratitude. If we are grateful for what we have, we are given more reasons to be grateful for. So go get your pens and note books out and start writing how grateful you are for having a friend like me!!!!!
Practice altruism and unconditional love: The other most talked about topic towards attaining bliss and happiness is the practice of altruism. Altruism does not necessarily mean giving money to charity. Sometimes it is more about sharing your love and kindness. Sharing a skill that you may have? Sharing a smile with a stranger, helping someone without an expectation of returned favor. Sharing your time and your happiness can also be viewed as an act of altruism.
Start meditation practice: Apparently one needs to practice meditation for over 100,000 hours to reach a state of bliss and happiness. But it has been proven in the laboratory that even starting with 5-15 minutes a day has a discernible effect on the cortex of the brain and leads to happier, more productive and more fulfilling lives.
Listen to soothing music: There is after all some truth in the Mozart effect. Calm soothing music is associated with the same kind of brain activity as meditation but at a much smaller scale. So although meditation is the best exercise for the brain, practicing mindfulness in all that we do and listening to calm and soothing music plays has an uplifting effect on the brain.
Start focusing on the good in people : The more we focus on the good in people the more we find it. It is true that till we start looking for something we will definitely not find it. Every so often we are so engrossed in our lives that we fail to appreciate the people around us. Take a moment to appreciate each other and revel in each other goodness.
Start or join a laughter club: We all know that laughter makes us feel good. A regular 20 minute laughter session can have a profound impact on our health and wellbeing. Laughter is gentle exercise. It fills your lungs and body with oxygen, deep-clears your breathing passages and exercises your lungs. When we laugh our bodies release a cocktail of hormones & chemicals that have startling positive effects on our system. Stress is reduced, blood pressure drops, depression is lifted, your immune system is boosted & more. So go out and start laughing your head off.
So , thanks to Mr. Happy I hope I have been able to point you towards some happiness .
Love/luck/happines.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
checklist for happiness
A checklist for happiness-
I was sitting in the cockpit for T/O and landing and I observed the First Officer take out the T/O and landing Checklist and read it out aloud. How many times have our captains and First Officers taken off and landed planes? But every time they still refer to a checklist. Even though they probably know the procedures like the back of their hand they still have to refer to a checklist to ensure that we arrive safe and in "better Shape".
As a student of positive psychology (a branch of psychology that focuses on positive behavior and happiness and optimism), I thought to myself, how wonderful would it be to have a checklist for happiness.
Happiness is a very arbitrary term and one person’s happiness may differ from another, but having said that, I think there are a few basic tenets that could be universally applied to happiness.
Those being; good health, fulfilling relationship, satisfying work, enough money and the ability to indulge in one’s passions.
Many of us confuse feeling good with feeling happy. Recently a study was undertaken, whereby students were asked to do something that gave them pleasure and then to perform an act of selfless kindness. Most students approached the first part rather eagerly and recounted their pleasurable activities that included having sex, going out for a great meal, hanging out with friends, drinking and getting hammered and having more sex.
Interestingly, the second part of the assignment had a more lasting effect. When the students were asked about their experience, they spoke with the jubilation of a five year old. One of the students who was afraid of needles, went and gave blood. Another brought an homeless person home and fed him . Yet another left a 50$ tip for a waiter at Denny’s and one spent the whole day at a community farm covered in horse manure.
When asked to compare the two activities, almost everyone rated the second to be higher in terms of lasting happiness. This experiment was then repeated in other institutions and the findings were pretty unanimous.
So what really is happiness?
Webster’s and Oxford dictionary describe the word happiness as a state of feeling great pleasure, and contentment. Someone who is happy is said to be favored by circumstances; is lucky; fortunate etc. The thesaurus uses words like pleasure; gratification; enjoyment; fruition, oblectation ; relish; zest; gusto; well being; joy; gladness; enchantment; rapture; ecstasy; heaven; honeymoon
I once sent out an email to my friends asking them to define happiness. I got some lovely responses, some rather simple and some extremely profound and insightful (too many to list here), but most said it was appreciating what we had, living in the present, showing gratitude and giving without expectation. No one mentioned money, sex or food. Rather interesting isn’t it? We all know or at least pretend to know what happiness is but when it comes down to really being happy we forget and run after all the things that only lead to pleasure and not towards lasting happiness.
As I was having this discussion with the Captain of my flight, he gave me a brilliant idea! He suggested that I make a checklist for happiness and put it in the mail boxes of all the cockpit and cabin crew.
It is not my intention to preach, but it sure is my intention to steer you towards a more fulfilling and "HAPPY" life. So without much further ado, here is a list of things that can lead to lasting happiness.
Make happiness a worthy goal, for achieving it is entirely within your power. Abraham Lincoln noted, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." It isn’t what happens to us that determines how happy we are, it’s what and how we think about what happens to us, that determines the state of our happiness.
Let go of what you cannot change: other people, the past, the future. Reinhold Niebuhr once wrote. "Grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Only focus on what YOU can change: your thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and behavior. There is absolutely no point in wasting your time and energy in blame or on other people and circumstances beyond your control. Rather than fume at other people’s "selfishness" and inconsiderate behavior, remind yourself that you have no control over what others choose to think or do. Simply refuse to turn into a whining child because of situations and events beyond your power to alter or fix.
Appreciate the moment. Notice the good things that are happening to you right now, whether it’s a beautiful sky, a light load on the plane, a happy child, a gorgeous passenger giving you his phone no , a lovely meal with your friends. Who knows how many years or days one has so live this moment fully. Most of us dwell on the past be it pain or pleasure. We hold on to the past, plan the future and forget the present. However the only moment of truth is this moment. Every time you feel sad or depressed, think about what is wrong with this particular moment. Very often it will be nothing wrong in the moment, only in our thoughts.
Focus on what you have and not on what you want. One of the definitions of happiness that I received said, "Happiness is wanting what you get and success is getting what you want". I read it and ignored it, but now that I am writing about it, it makes perfect sense. We have to accept that we won’t get everything that we want. So why insist on making ourselves miserable by wanting instead of enjoying what we have. Do not turn your wants into needs.
Choose to see the best in people and the world. You are the maker of your own destiny. You will always see what you choose to see. Try this- Next time you are out shopping, think of a red car and before you know it you will spot a red car somewhere on the road. Why? It’ s because now you were looking for a red car. Unhappy people choose to see the worst. They weigh themselves down with a very dim view of the world and forget the joys of appreciation. We tend to see only the "evidence" that confirms our beliefs, thereby convincing ourselves those beliefs are "facts. So choose to see the best and only the best will appear.
Be grateful and write a gratitude journal. Take stock of all the good things in your life and be grateful. Remind yourself all of the people who have less than you have, whether it is health, resources, family or friends. Every night before going to bed, remember three good things that happened and write them down. Do this exercise everyday without fail. Eventually your brain will get hard wired to appreciation and gratitude and lead to happiness.
Stop assuming you know what others think and feel. I’ve discovered that I’m a poor mind reader. Studies comparing eyewitness accounts invariably reveal that no two people see things exactly the same way, and that each of us interprets what we perceive in a different way. We all have different beliefs, which weave into a complex web or system of beliefs. Therefore we see the world differently, behave differently, and show our love differently. So don’t expect others to behave as you would in a similar situation.
Remember that other people’s actions are almost always about them, not about you. I remember meeting a passenger on the plane the other day, who was the most obnoxious, ill-tempered woman I had ever met. She was out right rude and nasty. Eventually I gathered courage and asked her if we had done something to upset her. At first she was being rather evasive and deigned to talk, but eventually came out with her whole life story about her impending divorce and her children’s custody and her new lovers inability to provide a comfortable home. All her anger was basically self directed and she had no clue how to handle it.
Lower your expectations. High expectations set us up for constant disappointment. I would much rather be surprised and delighted by things turning out better than I expected, instead of expecting more than I get, and being disappointed. I remember dating this one guy who would talk about bringing the moon and the stars and leaving me rather disappointed due to his inability to fulfill even the most basic phone call need. On the other hand I met someone who would send me flowers even when he was flying in the air (thanks to airphones). Obviously, I was flattered as I least expected it.
Always remember that "being human" means being imperfect and making mistakes. And that’s all right. Rather than becoming critical and angry at yourself try to be gentle. Remember what Einstein said, "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
Take chances. Be bold and take a stand. In interviews with nursing home residents, a study found that people’s biggest regrets were not things they did, but things they didn’t do. Susan Davis says, "Joy comes from taking risks around your deepest values." So I am daring to write this checklist on Happiness even at the cost of you all making fun of me!!!!!
Live by your values. Think about what is important to you and the kind of person that you want to be. Then make everyday decisions based on which actions are most in alignment with who you want to be and what you value.
Remember to breathe. Really breathe. When you feel stressed, take a few deep breaths. Focus on filling your belly with air, then expelling all the air from my body. When you feel totally empty of air, take a new, full breath. This breathing exercise refreshes your mind and body.
Get enough sleep. Now, that one is a real bummer for me. I can only sleep well on my bed and with my pillow. Sleeping in strange hotels and at strange times plays havoc with my system, but what the hell, I am preaching right now, so I shall write because it is really important. You figure out your own way of sleeping. I did!!!!!!!!!
And most importantly, go and do something for someone without any expectation. Altruism has been described as the one most important factor leading to happiness. People who have done a good deed carry that happy feeling with them for a much longer time than they carry a feeling of pleasure.
Phew that was bloody long for a checklist. Just choose what you like and ignore the rest. Big thinking precedes big achievement. If you can dream it, you can do it. So get into the habit of being happy.
Luv/luck/happiness.
I was sitting in the cockpit for T/O and landing and I observed the First Officer take out the T/O and landing Checklist and read it out aloud. How many times have our captains and First Officers taken off and landed planes? But every time they still refer to a checklist. Even though they probably know the procedures like the back of their hand they still have to refer to a checklist to ensure that we arrive safe and in "better Shape".
As a student of positive psychology (a branch of psychology that focuses on positive behavior and happiness and optimism), I thought to myself, how wonderful would it be to have a checklist for happiness.
Happiness is a very arbitrary term and one person’s happiness may differ from another, but having said that, I think there are a few basic tenets that could be universally applied to happiness.
Those being; good health, fulfilling relationship, satisfying work, enough money and the ability to indulge in one’s passions.
Many of us confuse feeling good with feeling happy. Recently a study was undertaken, whereby students were asked to do something that gave them pleasure and then to perform an act of selfless kindness. Most students approached the first part rather eagerly and recounted their pleasurable activities that included having sex, going out for a great meal, hanging out with friends, drinking and getting hammered and having more sex.
Interestingly, the second part of the assignment had a more lasting effect. When the students were asked about their experience, they spoke with the jubilation of a five year old. One of the students who was afraid of needles, went and gave blood. Another brought an homeless person home and fed him . Yet another left a 50$ tip for a waiter at Denny’s and one spent the whole day at a community farm covered in horse manure.
When asked to compare the two activities, almost everyone rated the second to be higher in terms of lasting happiness. This experiment was then repeated in other institutions and the findings were pretty unanimous.
So what really is happiness?
Webster’s and Oxford dictionary describe the word happiness as a state of feeling great pleasure, and contentment. Someone who is happy is said to be favored by circumstances; is lucky; fortunate etc. The thesaurus uses words like pleasure; gratification; enjoyment; fruition, oblectation ; relish; zest; gusto; well being; joy; gladness; enchantment; rapture; ecstasy; heaven; honeymoon
I once sent out an email to my friends asking them to define happiness. I got some lovely responses, some rather simple and some extremely profound and insightful (too many to list here), but most said it was appreciating what we had, living in the present, showing gratitude and giving without expectation. No one mentioned money, sex or food. Rather interesting isn’t it? We all know or at least pretend to know what happiness is but when it comes down to really being happy we forget and run after all the things that only lead to pleasure and not towards lasting happiness.
As I was having this discussion with the Captain of my flight, he gave me a brilliant idea! He suggested that I make a checklist for happiness and put it in the mail boxes of all the cockpit and cabin crew.
It is not my intention to preach, but it sure is my intention to steer you towards a more fulfilling and "HAPPY" life. So without much further ado, here is a list of things that can lead to lasting happiness.
Make happiness a worthy goal, for achieving it is entirely within your power. Abraham Lincoln noted, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." It isn’t what happens to us that determines how happy we are, it’s what and how we think about what happens to us, that determines the state of our happiness.
Let go of what you cannot change: other people, the past, the future. Reinhold Niebuhr once wrote. "Grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Only focus on what YOU can change: your thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and behavior. There is absolutely no point in wasting your time and energy in blame or on other people and circumstances beyond your control. Rather than fume at other people’s "selfishness" and inconsiderate behavior, remind yourself that you have no control over what others choose to think or do. Simply refuse to turn into a whining child because of situations and events beyond your power to alter or fix.
Appreciate the moment. Notice the good things that are happening to you right now, whether it’s a beautiful sky, a light load on the plane, a happy child, a gorgeous passenger giving you his phone no , a lovely meal with your friends. Who knows how many years or days one has so live this moment fully. Most of us dwell on the past be it pain or pleasure. We hold on to the past, plan the future and forget the present. However the only moment of truth is this moment. Every time you feel sad or depressed, think about what is wrong with this particular moment. Very often it will be nothing wrong in the moment, only in our thoughts.
Focus on what you have and not on what you want. One of the definitions of happiness that I received said, "Happiness is wanting what you get and success is getting what you want". I read it and ignored it, but now that I am writing about it, it makes perfect sense. We have to accept that we won’t get everything that we want. So why insist on making ourselves miserable by wanting instead of enjoying what we have. Do not turn your wants into needs.
Choose to see the best in people and the world. You are the maker of your own destiny. You will always see what you choose to see. Try this- Next time you are out shopping, think of a red car and before you know it you will spot a red car somewhere on the road. Why? It’ s because now you were looking for a red car. Unhappy people choose to see the worst. They weigh themselves down with a very dim view of the world and forget the joys of appreciation. We tend to see only the "evidence" that confirms our beliefs, thereby convincing ourselves those beliefs are "facts. So choose to see the best and only the best will appear.
Be grateful and write a gratitude journal. Take stock of all the good things in your life and be grateful. Remind yourself all of the people who have less than you have, whether it is health, resources, family or friends. Every night before going to bed, remember three good things that happened and write them down. Do this exercise everyday without fail. Eventually your brain will get hard wired to appreciation and gratitude and lead to happiness.
Stop assuming you know what others think and feel. I’ve discovered that I’m a poor mind reader. Studies comparing eyewitness accounts invariably reveal that no two people see things exactly the same way, and that each of us interprets what we perceive in a different way. We all have different beliefs, which weave into a complex web or system of beliefs. Therefore we see the world differently, behave differently, and show our love differently. So don’t expect others to behave as you would in a similar situation.
Remember that other people’s actions are almost always about them, not about you. I remember meeting a passenger on the plane the other day, who was the most obnoxious, ill-tempered woman I had ever met. She was out right rude and nasty. Eventually I gathered courage and asked her if we had done something to upset her. At first she was being rather evasive and deigned to talk, but eventually came out with her whole life story about her impending divorce and her children’s custody and her new lovers inability to provide a comfortable home. All her anger was basically self directed and she had no clue how to handle it.
Lower your expectations. High expectations set us up for constant disappointment. I would much rather be surprised and delighted by things turning out better than I expected, instead of expecting more than I get, and being disappointed. I remember dating this one guy who would talk about bringing the moon and the stars and leaving me rather disappointed due to his inability to fulfill even the most basic phone call need. On the other hand I met someone who would send me flowers even when he was flying in the air (thanks to airphones). Obviously, I was flattered as I least expected it.
Always remember that "being human" means being imperfect and making mistakes. And that’s all right. Rather than becoming critical and angry at yourself try to be gentle. Remember what Einstein said, "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
Take chances. Be bold and take a stand. In interviews with nursing home residents, a study found that people’s biggest regrets were not things they did, but things they didn’t do. Susan Davis says, "Joy comes from taking risks around your deepest values." So I am daring to write this checklist on Happiness even at the cost of you all making fun of me!!!!!
Live by your values. Think about what is important to you and the kind of person that you want to be. Then make everyday decisions based on which actions are most in alignment with who you want to be and what you value.
Remember to breathe. Really breathe. When you feel stressed, take a few deep breaths. Focus on filling your belly with air, then expelling all the air from my body. When you feel totally empty of air, take a new, full breath. This breathing exercise refreshes your mind and body.
Get enough sleep. Now, that one is a real bummer for me. I can only sleep well on my bed and with my pillow. Sleeping in strange hotels and at strange times plays havoc with my system, but what the hell, I am preaching right now, so I shall write because it is really important. You figure out your own way of sleeping. I did!!!!!!!!!
And most importantly, go and do something for someone without any expectation. Altruism has been described as the one most important factor leading to happiness. People who have done a good deed carry that happy feeling with them for a much longer time than they carry a feeling of pleasure.
Phew that was bloody long for a checklist. Just choose what you like and ignore the rest. Big thinking precedes big achievement. If you can dream it, you can do it. So get into the habit of being happy.
Luv/luck/happiness.
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